David’s Bridal: the Final Battle

Yesterday was my scheduled Dress Pickup, Take 2.  Not sure if you read or remember the first part of this story, but here’s what you should take away from the whole thing: “dress pickup” means “dress fitting and maybe dress taking-home if it fits the way we said we’d make it fit, but we might not have made it fit right, so it may just be another fitting.” Just fyi.

Brief review of our last visit: my dress was so tight around the ribs that I could barely breathe, and I was still sore the next morning from trying it on the night before.  They gave me a hard time about letting it out.

I showed up this time prepared for battle.  A small part of me hoped that it *wouldn’t* fit so I could just ask for my money back, make some loud complaints, and then wear my suit.  We arrived and – shockingly (sarcasm) – couldn’t find someone to help us for our appointment.  Finally we went into the room where they actually do the sewing, announced ourselves, and someone brought me my dress.  With the wrong name on it, but it was my dress.  Way to show your customer service and organizational skills off, David’s.

I put the dress on, and… it fits.  It’s comfortable.  I look pretty. Turtle is pleased and obviously relieved that I am not about to throw a fit in the bridal salon.  Part of my throwing a fit plan was to tell all the shoppers there how horrible our experience had been.  Anyway: Turtle, relieved, moving on.

So I turn to go back into the fitting room to undress and I see: the hem is uneven.

Seriously, David’s?  I mean, I am no master tailor, and I’m not even sure how to use a sewing machine.  I tried once and failed.  But I do know that a hem is one of the simplest things to do.  The nice lady at our local place hemmed my pants perfectly in five minutes after only pinning one side of one leg – you, DB’s, pinned around the entire bottom of the dress and still one side was an inch longer than the other.

On the upside, they fixed it within half an hour.  The back still looks a wee bit uneven to me, but I’m not dealing with them anymore.

In the meantime, Turtle found her dress.  The second batch of J. Crew dresses arrived.

these dresses came in smaller boxes and pretty little bags. excitement!

folded all pretty and mysteriously...

She tried the first one on, and it was pretty.  I’m not quite sure what to do with the funny sash thing coming down the front.

pretty lady!!

She hemmed, she hawed, she thought maybe this was the dress.  I thought it was pretty, if a little toga-like.

And then, you guys – she tried the second one on.  And we were sort of, well, floored.  It was beautiful.  She was beautiful in it.  I might have gotten a little teary, and she stood there quietly for a minute and then said something like, “I think this is it.”

We took it to a tailor on Saturday and we’re picking it up this week. All so much easier than anything we did before this.

My pretty lady won’t let me show you a picture of her in her for real dress, but here’s the stupid uncomfy one from David’s – not sure if we’re selling it or doing some sort of giveaway (but if you know someone who’s interested, they should get in touch with us!):

after seeing her real dress, it's so clear that this was not the right dress... boo our decision making skills sometimes!

us, in the dresses that we're *not* wearing!

Did you get it right the first time? Are you dying to see how pretty she is in her real dress?  Don’t worry, you only have to wait 10 more days until someone somewhere posts a picture of us GETTING MARRIED. IN TEN DAYS (according to my countdown). omg.

In the meantime: just keep breathing, just keep breathing.

How are you staying sane?

On clothing and not standing around in one sock

We are having a thrilling evening this evening.

First, I could not find the keys anywhere for a petsitting job, so 2 hours went to searching for them. Yup, two hours, just searching for keys.  Did I mention that this is not my week? Also, my check engine light came on.  See, again: not my week.

But right now – right now, folks, I am sitting on the couch while my lovely fiancee flits around setting things up for the big event: trying on wedding dresses.

What? you say. Didn’t you already do this? you wonder. Oh, silly you, just because we already bought one dress (each) doesn’t exclude the option of buying another. Or four others, if you are Turtle.

We got our dresses all altered up and Turtle does not like her dress. If she can’t find something else then she’s stuck with it, and that’s the deal we’ve worked out.  In the meantime, some giant J Crew boxes showed up at our house today, and Turtle washed her hands and feet so that she didn’t dirty the dresses.  Once her appendages had been thoroughly cleaned, we began the process: she with the opening and on-trying, and I with the bemused watching and faithful documenting.

open the box! out will pour hope and glory!

um, maybe instead of hope and glory there's just tissue paper?

box inside a box!

hope and glory? is that you?

Dress #1 - not so much with the glory. interesting back, but it didn't fit quite right.

pretty fiancee! All mine!

dress #2 - so pretty, but way too big, and a little stiff. I got tired of taking pictures, if you couldn't tell.

Neither of these dresses was *the dress* – whatever that means.  So we dug around in the boxes to find dresses #3 and #4, and lo and behold – they were not there.  Turns out they shipped separately.  So with under three weeks to go, the additional dresses will be arriving soon.

In the meantime, something else arrived in the mail!

package for me?

a vest you say? why, this is the wrong color...

Okay, readers, maybe some of you are thinking that you already saw me in my muslin fitting.  So the truth is that I was so excited about my *actual* suit’s arrival that I did not document the thrilling unwrapping process. Sorry to disappoint, but moving on:

I got an email last week that this was done:

photo by MacheteNSons, click image for source

I got it in the mail a day or two ago, and this morning we had a little photo shoot in the sun:

glorious!

beautiful lining! is that mild satisfaction on my face?

There are a few things that need to change, so I’ll be parting with my new-found suit to send it back for alterations.  Guys, I cannot say enough good things about A.J. and Lianna at MacheteNSons – this whole experience has been overwhelmingly positive, and I have been really impressed by the customer services. That, coming from someone who works in customer service, is saying a lot. THANK YOU, A.J. & Lianna.

So the struggle to dress the future Bird-McTurtlesons continues, but we are making progress! Yes, my friends, I truly believe that progress is being made! And I am thoroughly impressed by the ability of some tailors to fit you over the internet. Amazing.

Have you/are you in the process of the/did you struggle with clothing yourself and/or your future spouse?  Did you consider driving all the way to NY in one day just so your beloved could try on a dress she found on the internet? Did you consider scrapping the whole thing and showing up in jeans?  And is there anyone who reads this who is looking for a tailor? Cause, seriously, I love the ones I found.  Lastly: how hot do I look? And how pretty is my future wife? Discuss.

Bridal bulge

Last night we went back to David’s Bridal. Oh, David’s Bridal, why do you and I never quite get along? Is it the airbrushed matching families in your giant window ads, your oh-so-hetero marketing, despite the legalization of same-sex marriage in both MA and NH, or the fact that every time we show up your employees seemed 1. perplexed by us (two dresses? both for the bride? confusion), and 2. annoyed that we don’t know where to go, despite the fact that they never told us?  Perhaps a combination of all of the above.

We were told to go back for our dress pickup at 8pm last night, so we did.  We thought ahead enough to bring our shoes – maybe they would want us to try them on?  It was called a pickup, and while last time they mentioned specifically that we should bring our shoes and our undergarments for the fitting, this time they told us to bring the pink slip with our info on it, and that was it.

So we arrive, and, as usual, the staff are annoyed at us for looking around and not knowing where to go.  Thanks DB’s staff, you’re so sweet!  We make our way through throngs of wedding parties – apparently Wednesday night is a big night to find your wedding dress – back to the alterations area, where someone comes to help us pretty quickly.  She’s blond, cute, upbeat, and cannot for the life of her figure out which one of us is Bird and which one of us in Turtle, nor how to pronounce our names.  This is sort of a theme for the rest of the evening.  I spend a good period of time worrying that they will actually alter my dress to fit Turtle, and then we’re really in a bind.

So they give us our dresses, we put them on (should have brought that bra, oops.)…and I bulge.  That is to say, my eyes bulge, because I can’t breathe.  Really, my dress is so tight around my ribs/waist that I am physically in pain.  I have Turtle unzip it until it absolutely must be zipped again.  And then – and then! – the alterations woman seems offended.  “We just took it in an inch and now you want us to take it out! Did you have dinner before you came here?!”

To which I, of course, respond, “Yes, I did have dinner, and I do plan to eat on my wedding day!” One meal should not make my dress asphyxiate me.

So then our alterations expert has to go get her manager, because apparently there might be more charges, and it’s all probably because I didn’t wear my bra, and they keep implying that I’ve gained weight.  A little part of my is afraid that I have, but before that I lost 8 pounds, and really a pound or two would not make my ribs fat. Ugh.  So I’m feeling guilty about being the “wrong size”, my dress is ridiculously uncomfortable, and they’re talking about charging us more money.  Where’s that nice woman who was so happy for us last time we were there? Can we have her back?

And in the meantime… Turtle hates her dress.  Not really my story to tell, but we are now on a 4-week countdown to “Woo hoo let’s get married” and “Quick let’s find a dress you like!”  If we don’t find one, she’ll wear the one she has…

At one point last night, the alterations manager said, “It’s a wedding dress.  It’s not supposed to be comfortable.”  And I thought to myself, “If someone had told me that six months ago, I’m not sure I would have bought one.”  My suit is going to be comfortable.  If we hadn’t already paid for all this stupid dress stuff, I would just scrap the whole thing.

I think maybe I’m approaching wedding zen? As more things are getting not-done or going not-quite-right, I can let go a little… yes?

What would you do with four weeks down and dress dissatisfaction on the rise?  If you did this all before, did you have the most wonderful dress-fitting experience ever?  If you work at David’s Bridal, how are you going to make us uncomfortable little lesbians happy again?

Blue Bridal Brigade

To be perfectly honest, bridesmaids’ dresses are not something in which I am willing to be terribly invested. You have all heard plenty about how much trouble I have dressing myself – and you expect me to dress a bunch of other people? Who all have different styles and different body types?

Um, H to the L nooooooo thank you.

That said, we did want to have some coherence in our bridal brigade – the people we asked to be in our bridal brigade are super important and incredibly helpful, and we wanted them to be recognizable.  We also wanted them to be comfortable, and, especially given our current relationship with money (read: we have very little and are still trying to be alive, keep our pets alive, and plan our wedding), wanted them to spend an appropriate amount of money for them, whether that meant a lot o’ monies or a little bit o’ monies.  This meant having a lot of flexibility.

First, we narrowed it down as far as colors go: navy.  That was easy.

Then we emailed out pictures of dresses we liked, and then various people emailed us back. Simple, right?

Well, yeah, except their emails said things like, “What about this dress in brown?” or “Hey, when are you going to be sending out your invitations?” or “I am thinking of wearing a pantsuit.”

Okay, the pantsuit would have been fine, but no, not that dress in brown.  All we picked was one color! Do everything else however you want!  After struggling with my frustration and guilt for a few minutes – we really weren’t asking much, right? Was it wrong of us to dictate a color? Should we be offering to buy our brigade’s dresses? – I realized that it was not that big a deal.  So I wrote back, said blue only, and rumor has it people have dresses.

Here are some dresses we considered, modeled by my lovely Moh:

Are you really making me stand here so you can take pictures for your blog?

Fine, Ill tolerate your crazy Seahorse antics.

effortlessly beautiful, with me looking, ahem, casual in the background

looooved this dress! loved it like a dinosaur. Hi sister! It looks like you're trying to be a dinosaur here! Safe to say this one's a no?

uh, if i hold my breath and arch my shoulders it stays on...

I’m pretty sure no one got any of these dresses, and I’m pretty sure at least two people have their dresses.  And I’m just not willing to be stressed out about it.

Steel City Bride said something interesting today about bridesmaids’ dresses:

I don’t necessarily think bridesmaid dresses need to be re-wearable. I think they should fall soundly within a reasonable budget (however “reasonable” is defined for the women in your party) and I think they shouldn’t be something that the bridesmaids would be embarrassed to wear again (a highly unflattering cut or material, for example), but other than that, I dunno. Wearing a dress that the bride chooses, even if it’s not necessarily something you’d choose yourself, is kind of a hallmark of the bridesmaid experience, I think, and it’s one that I didn’t feel compelled to revolutionize.

I think there’s a lot of freedom in that.  And if I was the bridesmaid, freedom for me: hand me an outfit, I will wear it and try to look good in it.  But for us, now?  It was wayyy less stress to let people do what they want.

Where are you on the spectrum?  Do you want your options, or your dress handed to you?  Do you even notice bridesmaids at weddings? Tell me about your favorite dress! Readygo!

Adhesions and Alterations

I suppose now that I’ve declared myself “back”, I should act as though I’m back. I’ve decided that once you convince more than four people to read your blog, it’s sort of your responsibility to give them something to read.

oh, uh, hey there, readers. come here often?

Two things have made our wedding seem more *real* than others: our invitations and getting our dresses fitted.  And since we haven’t sent out our invitations yet (I’m sure the Knot would disapprove… as would my grandmother), I will tell you about our dress fittings.

We bought our dresses at David’s Bridal, and picked them up a few weeks later.  I’m not entirely clear on why they have you going back to the store so many times, but here is my understanding of how the process works.  Please tell me that you also think this is a bit ridiculous:

1. Try on dresses. Pick one.  Pay for it, but don’t take anything home. (Your dress = somewhere mysterious… possibly at the actual store?)
2. Get a phone call weeks later that your dress has arrived. Go pick it up. (Your dress = at home)
3. Go in for alterations. Leave your dress and measurements. (Your dress = at store)
4. Pick your dress up, take it home. (Your dress = at home)
5. Bring your dress back for steaming. (Your dress = at store)
6. Bring your dress home. (Your dress = at home)
7. Wear your dress at your wedding.

I had no idea it was this complicated.  Why can’t they fit you when you pick up your dress, then hang onto it and steam it for you before you pick it up?  There’s probably a reason, but I declare it a silly reason.

Anyway, they called us last week to confirm our alterations appointment, and to be sure to bring the dresses, shoes we would be wearing, method of payment, and undergarments.

Uh, undergarments? I think I forgot to think about those with all the other stuff that’s been going on, like, you know, life.  I start to panic a little – my MO these days – and Turtle reassures me that it’s fine, she’ll go buy us some undergarments the day before our fitting while I’m at work.

You guys, this is so not what I think of when I think “bra”:

click for source, where you can buy your own non-bra!

First, that is totally not my body. Just in case you were wondering.  I’m pretty sure that body has no bust, and I have quite a bit of bust.  This contraption looked pretty silly on me.  Second, the way it works is that it adheres using your body heat. TOTALLY CREEPY.  And third, it works. Also totally creepy.  So you adhere these two cups to your bosoms, and then once they’re on there pretty well, you clip them together.  You can use the clasp to achieve a bit of a push-up effect. You can also use this contrapment to feel like someone is walking around groping you all day long. And not in the sexy-time way.

Anyway, we arrive, dresses (big, heavy dresses) in hand, and no one is there to help us.  We have no idea where to go.  Finally, someone shows up and says, “Are you here for alterations?”  When we affirm that we, the two women carrying giant bags of dresses with shoes in our other hand, are looking for alterations and do not know where it is, the clearly-offended salesperson helps us find it.

At this point I am really, really anxious.  I definitely did not shave before this appointment.  I am looking pretty dykey today, and I am here with my lady – the one I am marrying.  I have had a few not-so-great experiences with David’s Bridal, and I am bracing myself for another crappy experience, a la, “Those are your shoes? You are going to shave your legs before your wedding, right? Aren’t you going to grow out your hair?”  I admit that not all of these fears are entirely rational, but they are fears.

Never fear, dear readers: our alterations person was the sweetest person ever.  Turtle was nervous about what was happening and she kindly told us about her past thirty years of sewing experience.  She heard our concerns about length and bustle and comfort and she addressed them happily and calmly.  Mary Jo of David’s Bridal – you are wonderful.

Halfway through my alterations, another woman came in to have her bridesmaid dress altered.  Let’s just say that she was definitely straight, and there we were, a pair of lesbians in our wedding dresses, hanging out.  I’m always a little nervous in these situations – how will people respond? It’s not that I felt unsafe at David’s Bridal getting fitted with this stranger next to us, but it is not fun to bear the brunt of someone else’s biased disapproval.  Point being: I was nervous and a little bit antsy and couldn’t figure out if it was better to ignore her (awkward, since she was two feet from me) or make small talk (awkward, I’m nervous and don’t know her).

So at one point she says, “So, are you two friends? Are you getting married close to each other?”

And my lovely, calm, beautiful Turtle smiles and says, “Same day.  To each other.”

My world froze for a minute.  Would this woman storm out? Would our alterations lady from Brazil suddenly refuse to work with us?  Would we have to get new dresses, would we have to leave quickly, what was going to happen?

That woman smiled, and said, “Oh my goodness, THAT’S GREAT. Congratulations!”

And Mary Jo said, “Wow, congratulations, congratulations, good for you!  That is wonderful!”

And then we all stood around smiling.  And then went back to the alterations.

My dress, which is at the store, feels more like my dress.  And wow, I felt pretty in it.  I declined the fancy poofy slip, I declined the enormous breast cups, and insisted on making sure it was comfortable.  And I can’t wait to wear it.

For your entertainment, a few non-dress-giving-away pictures:

forcing your fiancee to wear pretty head things is fun!

see? she loves it!

The whole process feels a little silly to me, but I admit that the bigness of it, the little steps all becoming one big thing I check off the list, is making it feel closer, more real – in a good way.  Wearing the dress and looking at myself in the mirror made me feel amazing – not because the dress looked good (though it did), but honestly because I knew that the next time I wore this dress in front of a bunch of people they would be people I am really, really looking forward to seeing, people I love, people I can’t wait to be surrounded by.

I can’t wait to get married* in this dress, to this lady:

photo by Ellie Leonardsmith

*Ahem, after we send out invites, write our vows, etc. Really, I can wait, if only so I have a little more time to plan.  Don’t worry, Grandma, we’re still getting married! Invite coming soon, I promise!

Pretty pretty pictures

We had our “official” engagement shoot with our amazing photographer last night.  I can’t talk enough about how awesome Ellie is, and how anyone needing a photographer in/near Boston/Providence should probably use her.  Awesome.

Anyway, I have my first day by myself in a long time (Turtle is in Maine) and I promised myself I wouldn’t spend a lot of it on the internets, so no more comments/deep insights, just some pretty pictures for you!

Photo by Ellie Leonardsmith

Photo by Ellie Leonardsmith

Photo by Ellie Leonardsmith

I kind of can’t believe how amazing these pictures are. I’m not sure what we’ll be doing with them all yet, so I don’t want to share many – I’m feeling protective of them, but they are too beautiful not to share a couple!

I had a read in a few different places that doing an engagement photo session can really help get you comfortable with your photographer and with having your picture taken, and I didn’t think much of that until I experienced it.  It took us a little while to settle in, but then it was so fun.  It was especially nice because Ellie is a good friend of ours, and we got to have amazing pizza and beer afterward.  That, my friends, is a good photo shoot.

Some more of Ellie’s awesome skills:

Okay, so much for sharing just a couple of pictures.  But omg, pretty!!!

So here’s what this felt like: getting dressed up in things we felt attractive in (for me, of course, one dress, one dykey shorts-and-collared-shirt outfit) and walking around our favorite, important places being affectionate.  Things are hard off and on these days – something I’ve talked about before – and we just walked and talked about those things and how we love each other and do want to get married and will do the work.  It was wonderful to have a space where we were just supposed to be affectionate: no talking about the hard things or the piles.  And then, as I mentioned before, we got amazing pizza, beer, and time with good friends.

And now I’m home alone with two dogs, two cats, and a big apartment.  Not feeling motivated to do much of anything, which is silly now that I have all this time and space to myself!  Maybe the afternoon has big things in store for me… or maybe just a book and a glass of wine.

What are you doing this weekend? Want to hang out with me? Did I already mention two dogs, big apartment, and wine? What more do you need?

Wedding Registries: Can I give you a lion cub?

An anonymous wedding question from the world:

Registries – tell us all about them. are people expected to buy from the registry? is it okay to not buy from the registry?
it’s the part of weddings that confuses me the most. for example, let’s say you had a friend who knows you pretty well and has a sense of your taste, though not necessarily your DP/fiancee’s taste, and let’s say this person was going somewhere cool this summer, like, hypothetically, africa, and let’s say this person planned to steal a lion cub for you to raise. would that be a good wedding present? even though it’s not on the registry?

would people prefer cash? if so, how much cash is appropriate? and if there’s something you really like, but it isn’t on the registry, will they hate you for getting it? registries are useful, in that they help you find something that both people like, but what if you find something and really really want to get it but it’s not on the registry?

First of all, I am pretty sure that I would end up suddenly single if I decided a lion cub was joining our family before I have my veterinary degree.  But if it’s a small and hide-able lion cub, I totally want it.  I just can’t let Turtle see that I registered for it, which is why it’s not on my registry.

Okay, but really.  I also think registries are sort of silly.  I think that in general, it’s weird to ask for specific gifts – I think good gifts are personal and don’t come from a list of “I want this” but from a connection the giver and givee have.  That said, I think registries give you a place to say what you need, like a toaster oven or a microwave that actually works.  And some people are bad at gifts that are based on a connection, or don’t know what to give both people, so the registry is a good guide.  It’s great, too, when you can combine the two – for example, one of my friends and her husband-to-be registered for a tent, and I thought that was the coolest thing! So I bought it.  Registry + connection = quality gift giving.

As far as cash goes, I think cash is often appreciated, and for me, I would give however much cash I would have spent on a present.

I guess my answer is to think of a registry as a guideline, but feel free to buy from elsewhere, especially if you have something meaningful.  Meaning trumps stupid registries every time, in my opinion.

What do you all think? What have your gift-giving/-receiving experiences been?  I understand that we’re supposed to register for our bridal shower (and there’s supposed to be a theme? What?)… and somehow that’s different than the wedding?  Someone, please share your answer for Ms. Anonymous’s question up there, and then answer mine. kthx.

… and I’ll STILL cry if I want to.

Yesterday I talked a little bit about wanting some feedback on what you’re “supposed” to do when you get married.  Deep things, like shoes.  I love the support from all of you, but the identical look of horror on my mom’s and my sister’s faces today has somewhat dissuaded me from wearing Chacos.  However, I am considering these lovelies, which I think I could wear to other fancy events, and would also go with both suit and dress, no?

Anyway, the other thing I have realized I want in the way of traditional things are bridesmaids.  Or attendants, whatever you want to call them. Everyone at the wedding will be people that we very intentionally want there and have asked to come because they are people who are very important in our life.  We have even not invited some important people, because it turns out if you invite one person they do sort of come with other people, and we are trying to keep it small, which stinks, but that’s how it is.

Anyway, with all of that in mind, it seems a little strange to pick people from the group who will be there to be our special attendants/bridespeople/wedding helperbees.  But the thing is, we knew almost immediately who those people would be.  Isn’t that funny?  They are people who have been incredibly important to us individually, and also incredibly important to us as a couple.  They are people that we have spent a lot of time with as we’ve grown into our relationship, and people who have supported us immensely during these past couple of years.

So what can we force them to wear?

Just kidding.  At first I wanted them to just wear whatever and we would give them a flower or something, but I realized that I want them more recognizable than that, and so we are in search of dresses that four people who are different heights and have different body types can all feel comfortable in, and hopefully even wear again.  When I was a bridesmaid for one of my friends, she picked a few JCrew dresses and a color and we each chose the one we wanted to wear – and I have worn that dress a million times since then!  Too bad JCrew doesn’t have much good stuff right now.  Any suggestions?

us in our jcrew dresses with the beautiful bride (photo from unknown but probably very nice source)

The other things I realized is that there are things that someone needs to take responsibility for, and that someone cannot be me, and it cannot be Turtle.  For example, we really want a bridal shower.  I admit that I am unsure of where this urge comes from, but it is an urge, and we have it, and someone else should plan it.  We’ll show up, it’ll be fun.  Also, I want people to get ready with us!  And actually be responsible for making toasts! I’m not sure what else these ladies are supposed to do, but we will have ladies and they will do them!

Now that we’ve (more or less) decided to have these pretty pretty people in our ceremony, I feel sort of awkward that I never officially asked them, but just sent them something about a dress or a flower or something… sorry ladies.  I hope you know I want you, and if you don’t but you think this might be about you, please ask.  Kthx.

And everyone else, please tell me your bridesmaid experiences, where to find good dresses, and what bridesmaids are actually supposed to do.

… and I’ll cry if I want to

I think that a lot of people have the weddings they are “supposed” to have.  They invite people they “have” to invite and wear what they “should” wear.

This is not something that I am entirely innocent of doing.  I bought a dress even though I knew early one I wanted to wear pants and a vest… but I bought a dress that I liked, and I’m not giving up the suit – I’m changing after the ceremony.  Who wants to contradance in a floofy dress anyway?  Okay, some people do, but they are not me.

In the wedding blogosphere, I make a point to read blogs that support independence, and offer ideas and solutions.  Where whatever you want!  Feed lunch, breakfast, appetizers, nothing! Cook everything yourself! Wear anything but white!  Spend all the money that feels right to you, and be true to yourself.

So I’m channeling this authenticity as much as I can, and I feel like, on the whole, I’m being pretty true to myself, and we, as a couple, are being true to ourselves. But there are a couple of sort of “traditional” things that I am bumping into.

First: shoes.  Shoes are the smaller issue.  I know I can wear whatever I want – but I also want to be taken seriously! I want to look nice, and not for my shoes to jump out like a sore thumb.  I want them to jump out like an interesting thumb.  Turtle will be wearing a dress the whole time, and is on the prowl for some nice cowboy boots.  Totally hot.  I love this look, I think she’ll be adorable, and look nice and interesting at the same time.

pretty bride in cowboy boots - fun!

I, on the other hand, am more difficult.  I can’t wear boots because one of my calves (um, yes, just one, thank you) is too muscular for any boots to fit over.  I hate heels, and I know I won’t be comfortable in them, so scrap that.  I found some sandals that I love, but I know they’ll come flying off if I try to dance in them.  Nothing seems to be just right!

And then I found Chacos.

I love Chacos.  My roommate and I used to do a happy song/dance every spring when we declared it “Chaco season.”  They look half-decent with a dress (in my dykey opinion) and good with anything else.  They are easy on and off, they dry fast, they stay put, and you can even go hiking in them.  But are they wedding shoes?  Are they really what I want?

Under a dress, no one will see them, or any other shoes I wear.  With my suit, they’ll be obvious, but I’m not sure there’s anything wrong with that.  I think I need someone to tell me that either they are completely awesome and they love that idea or tell me why I’m being ridiculous so that I can either argue with them, thus realizing I really want these shoes, or agree with them and move on.  Will I be an amazing Chaco bride? Or someone who doesn’t know how to dress herself?

The other bump I hit is bridesmaids.  And that is a post for another day.  So please tell me about shoes.  What are you wearing, and why?  I don’t think I even own dress shoes – again, I don’t do heels, and the closest I’ve gotten is Danskos.  What do you wear for fancy things?  Thanks, guys.

So Which One of You is Wearing the Dress, Part III

So yesterday I talked about our first bridal shop experience and how we left empty-handed.  After a couple of days and after looking some more at the pictures we took, I was glad I hadn’t bought either of the dresses that I had considered.  Even though I liked them and they looked really nice, they weren’t quite *me*.  That said, I wasn’t sure what would be “me,” or how to find it.

When Turtle’s dress arrived at David’s Bridal and we planned a trek up to pick it up, I realized that I wanted to try on some of their dresses!  I didn’t like the idea of getting a dress from a chain – especially a chain of dresses named after some man who will probably never wear one of his dresses – but I did like a lot of the dresses on their website, and I definitely liked their prices.  I also liked the idea of being able to try on a dress and compare it to Turtle’s dress to see if it clashed horribly.  Yes, I was trying to get over the “two dresses is weird” thing.

So this was the dress experience I was looking for.  I tried on a ton of dresses – pretty ones, laughable ones, ones I considered, and even one that I took off before I left the dressing room.  Here are some of them! Please forgive the facial expressions, which are more of a reflection of my relationship with the camera than my relationship with the dresses (or the photographer!)

I liked all of these, but didn’t love any, once again.  The first one I almost loved, but then Turtle pointed out that there were flowers embroidered all around the bottom of the dress and all the way out along the long, long train.  And apparently David’s won’t remove the train.  It’s just cutting off fabric, isn’t it?! Okay, I admit to knowing very little about dress modification, etc.  Anyway, that was something they couldn’t do much about, and I do not like the flowers.

The next one was gorgeous… but so not me.  I felt really pretty, but I felt like I was playing dress up.  The last two were closer to what I was looking for (because somewhere along this process, I began to actually look for something), but still not quite right.  I couldn’t picture myself as myself in these dresses – I just felt like some kid playing dress up, not like a woman getting married.  Not like a bride, whatever that is supposed to feel like.

And then I tried on the dress.  Turtle kept being unsure that I found the one I wanted because I seemed so calm and calculated.  But I liked it.  I really liked it.  And I didn’t get some huge, moving feeling like it was the one.  Some people do, and I am not one of those people.  But it was a dress I could wear.  I felt pretty in it, but not too delicate.  It was not going anywhere, and it looked nice next to Turtle’s dress.  On top of that, it had pockets!  I tried it on twice.

Here is the back, for you, because I’m not giving out the full pictures until after I am Mrs. WhateverOurLastNameWillBe. Unless I’m not a Mrs. Um, anyway, here is the dress:

Kindly ignore the tag, and focus on the beautiful, simple folds, the straps crossing in the back… whew. I really, really like this dress. Did I mention it has pockets?

So I bought it.  My mom was relieved (yay, a dress!), Turtle was skeptical (are you sure you want this one? do you want to wait a little longer?), but I bought it, and I thought it was the right decision. I was a little sad about not doing the vest thing, but I tried not to think about that.

When my dress finally arrived, David’s emailed me, and I went to pick it up before roller derby practice almost a month later.  No, it seems I am not one of those brides who rushes out to get her dress.  Honestly, I was nervous that it *wasn’t* the right dress – that I would get there and be horribly disappointed.  And then they brought it out and unzipped it and looked it over – and I felt a little flutter.  Yes, I fluttered – I fluttered over a dress.  This is so my dress.  And I love it.

(But just in case you were worried that I was giving up on something that had been so important to me… I’m not.  I’m totally planning on wearing a vest and pants for the reception – I love this dress but am not entirely sure I can dance comfortably in it, though I think I’ll manage getting in and out of a canoe.  So I’m still on a mission to find a vest and pants, if you have suggestions. Yay, everyone is happy! Even if I’m a little less rich. Or poorer. Depending on how you look at it.)