… and I’ll STILL cry if I want to.

Yesterday I talked a little bit about wanting some feedback on what you’re “supposed” to do when you get married.  Deep things, like shoes.  I love the support from all of you, but the identical look of horror on my mom’s and my sister’s faces today has somewhat dissuaded me from wearing Chacos.  However, I am considering these lovelies, which I think I could wear to other fancy events, and would also go with both suit and dress, no?

Anyway, the other thing I have realized I want in the way of traditional things are bridesmaids.  Or attendants, whatever you want to call them. Everyone at the wedding will be people that we very intentionally want there and have asked to come because they are people who are very important in our life.  We have even not invited some important people, because it turns out if you invite one person they do sort of come with other people, and we are trying to keep it small, which stinks, but that’s how it is.

Anyway, with all of that in mind, it seems a little strange to pick people from the group who will be there to be our special attendants/bridespeople/wedding helperbees.  But the thing is, we knew almost immediately who those people would be.  Isn’t that funny?  They are people who have been incredibly important to us individually, and also incredibly important to us as a couple.  They are people that we have spent a lot of time with as we’ve grown into our relationship, and people who have supported us immensely during these past couple of years.

So what can we force them to wear?

Just kidding.  At first I wanted them to just wear whatever and we would give them a flower or something, but I realized that I want them more recognizable than that, and so we are in search of dresses that four people who are different heights and have different body types can all feel comfortable in, and hopefully even wear again.  When I was a bridesmaid for one of my friends, she picked a few JCrew dresses and a color and we each chose the one we wanted to wear – and I have worn that dress a million times since then!  Too bad JCrew doesn’t have much good stuff right now.  Any suggestions?

us in our jcrew dresses with the beautiful bride (photo from unknown but probably very nice source)

The other things I realized is that there are things that someone needs to take responsibility for, and that someone cannot be me, and it cannot be Turtle.  For example, we really want a bridal shower.  I admit that I am unsure of where this urge comes from, but it is an urge, and we have it, and someone else should plan it.  We’ll show up, it’ll be fun.  Also, I want people to get ready with us!  And actually be responsible for making toasts! I’m not sure what else these ladies are supposed to do, but we will have ladies and they will do them!

Now that we’ve (more or less) decided to have these pretty pretty people in our ceremony, I feel sort of awkward that I never officially asked them, but just sent them something about a dress or a flower or something… sorry ladies.  I hope you know I want you, and if you don’t but you think this might be about you, please ask.  Kthx.

And everyone else, please tell me your bridesmaid experiences, where to find good dresses, and what bridesmaids are actually supposed to do.



Filed under Marriage/Wedding/Engagement

3 responses to “… and I’ll STILL cry if I want to.

  1. Melissa

    Hahahahaha! Aunt Mart was horrified? That is TOO funny! Ummm, the shoes are cute, but seriously? with a white dress? ummm, Grandma would have a cow 🙂 Bridesmaids..I”ve coordinated a number of weddings, and really Sweetie, there is no “supposed” to for anything. They do what you want them to do, your MOH is the important one. I”m all for dresses that are either the same style, different colors, or same colors/different style. Hope that helps 🙂

  2. JF

    First, you should feel no obligation to have bridesmaids/men. However, it sounds like you really do want to share in this tradition. Having had some experience in this field (7+ times a bridesmaid) I have a few suggestions. It is your & Turtle’s day, but you also want your guest, especially you bridepeeps to be comfortable and enjoy the day. Clothes – your peeps are likely different shapes, sizes, styles etc. It is an honor to be asked, it is also a committment to ‘be there’ for the bridees. Avoid telling your peeps what kind of nailpolish or underwear to wear (not kidding). Your friend was on the right track with picking a color and material from a company that offered many styles. Many companies do this (Alfred Angelo) It’s also ok to say ‘This is the dress we think will go best with our bridee getups;Would you be comfortable in this?’ Hopefully the answer is, ‘Yes I’d be comfortable’, but if it’s not, know what is most important on your wedding day. (hint: it’s not what everyone is wearing.) As for the shower, it is traditionally the mother of the bride, with bridemaids pitching in to help. Being that there are two brides, each Mom may want to host a party or may want to do one combined. Your bridepeeps may be willing to pitch in with the Moms in planning, or maybe your bridepeeps really want to throw a shower for you. Just remember, you would be the guest (of honor) at a shower, not the host. This is a gift to you from your moms and/or bridepeeps. Appreciate their efforts, enjoy the celebration and be sure to thank them for all the special moments. It means a lot to them too. (p.s. I have a secret stash of B magazines if you ever want to peruse. Just don’t tell anyone!)

  3. Okay, just no to the shoes. People harshed out on my wedding sneakers, and I’m going to do the same to you. They are okay, maybe, with a suit, if they are super comfortable. But you can either have ugly wedding shoes in the right color, or pretty wedding shoes in the wrong color. My shoes are the Teva Ventura wedges – highly recommend, as they are super comfy and can be worn with a variety of other outfits.
    For my sister’s wedding, we did Ann Taylor – their stuff is pretty figure-flattering and they have 3-4 dresses in all their colors. I also really like the B2 line. Our dresses are Priscilla of Boston, because my sister likes them.
    The way I describe my bridal party is, simply put, they are the people I cannot imagine my life without. So I cannot imagine getting ready for my wedding without the girls who have helped me get ready for everything else. I know who I want there to calm me down if something goes wrong, and it’s the people who have spent 5-25 years calming me down when something went wrong. I know who I want to have my back, and it’s my girls. That I’m color coding them is just so they will be easy to find when something goes wrong and I need them to fix it, or I’m out on the dance floor and need somebody to do the robot with.

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