And I get a new name!

Having realized that structure is essential to my mental well-being and that getting out of the house is absolutely vital for my sanity – and thus the general health of my marriage – I have made big plans to leave the house today.  I wrote down time frames and everything.

It seems, however, that I am out to get myself, and I make little deals with myself all day to get out of actually stepping through the threshold and out into the world.  Example:

Me1: “Bird, you will walk the dog at 2pm and then get your butt to the library and apply for some jobs and graduate schools! Okay?”
Me2: “Sure!  That sounds fine, and totally reasonable, except I just put in this banana bread and I can’t very well leave it baking alone in the house.  How about I walk the dog at 3?”
Me1: “Well, fine, you can walk the dog at 3, but then, to the library you go!”

I’ll spare you the whole monologue, but let it suffice to say that it is 4:27 and I am sitting in a rather comfy chair in my dining room.  Foiled again!

But here’s what I am doing: setting things up that I just cannot get out of.  For example?  Roller derby.

I know, I know, we broke up.  We broke up twice, or maybe three times now.  Yes, it’s an on-again-off-again relationship.  But you know that first true love who you promised to always love, forever and ever, no matter what, even if you married other people and had families you would always love each other at least somewhere in your heart?  Well, Roller Derby and I did that.

While I’m not skating right now and I’m unemployed, I realized that I sort of need roller derby, especially since otherwise, I would never leave the house. So, as a former coxswain, I have decided to be a referee.  I have been to 3 scrimmages in this role, and you know what? It’s kind of awesome, and not enough people talk about how awesome it is.  It’s roller derby without getting hurt; it’s roller derby without the jitters before the whistle blows – because, ahem, I am the one blowing the whistle.

I have a ton to learn: the rules, in detail, the hand signals, how to skate while paying attention to whether other girls skating are following those rules, all while not falling over or getting run into or skating into the coaches yelling at them from the sidelines.

Anyway.  I don’t have much to say beyond that I’m excited, that I am leaving the house, and that, while my heart has been broken once or twice (or, um, three or four times) by roller derby, I’m still really, really excited to be a part of it again.*

Now tell me: what do you do to get out of the house?  How do you keep from going crazy?  If you think I’m not going crazy, just wait for the video on tomorrow’s Flying Dingo.  Yes, a video… of dog boots.  Coming soon from a Crazy Near You.

*Side effects vary, but already I’m working out religiously, because how can you not want to be in shape when surrounded by women made entirely of muscle and brute force?  I feel better already. Also, now I don’t have to feel sad every time I see that I still have a Roller Derby tag on my blog. Woo hoo unexpected side effects!

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12 Comments

Filed under Roller Derby

12 responses to “And I get a new name!

  1. Ellen

    Somehow have other people counting on you to get out of the house. Ideally, you’ll be meeting them. And you won’t be meeting them at 4pm. More like 11am. (Crucial part = people to meet. Sorry I can’t help with that one much.)

    • This is a good idea! Now I made friend dates! Actually, right now I’m at a friend’s house… not being productive yet, but out of the house, so hooray for me!

  2. Svannah

    ROLLER DERBY! I so wish I wasn’t afraid to get hurt. I’d try out for the Pike’s Peak Derby Dames!

    And can’t wait for the vid of Daphne!!!

    -Svannah

  3. Go Bird! You obviously love this sport. I’m so glad you found a way to participate in it. I’m so excited for you!

  4. Kristine

    Good for you! This will be so great. I am glad you still get to participate in something you love. 🙂

    Looking forward to the video!

  5. jordan

    i totally have been known to do that inner monologue thing as well 🙂 it’s good to see i’m not the only one. i’m also glad you have put it out in the open, because now when i go to do it, i am going to recognize i am doing it! and then feel guilty about it. and then maybe i’ll actually get my butt out of the house 🙂 (though that may not be an easy task if we continue to get all the damn snow we have been getting in boston!) i am going to be unemployed in 2 weeks (not by choice unfortunately), so your posts are coming at a great time for me! i do like the other commenter’s suggestion of having plans to meet people. that does always make it easier to get moving…though sometimes it’s hard to make plans when all your friends work normal 9-5’s like mine do! Lunch dates maybe? 🙂

    i also just watched the video of daphne and her boots….too funny 🙂 my gf and i are dying to get a dog, but can’t at the moment, so i have to live vicariously though other dog owners 🙂

    • Haha, conversations with myself are the best! Except perhaps conversations with my dog…. But yes, getting out of the house is important, and I’m finding new inspiration in finding other unemployed people to meet up with. Students are fun, too – study dates at coffee shops are good!

      Thanks for commenting!

  6. An Atypical Traditionalist

    I am all too familiar with the anxiety and fog you are describing! I am far more underemployed than is preferable, and sometimes find myself dreading my long weekends because it is just too much time. To get out of the house, I’ll often walk the six or so blocks to a coffee shop, with my laptop, and slowly sip on coffee or tea. I’ve noticed that that first step out the door that is the hardest! But once I’m out, in public, amongst people, it sometimes snowballs in my favor. I try not to make a laundry list of things that must get done at certain times, but then I feel like crap if I don’t do it.
    Also, I go to the gym way more than I ever have, too. Ha.

    • Ah I’m glad someone else understands! I might try walking to a coffee shop – that sounds like a good way to get moving and get out! Also sounds like it’s unappealing enough to skip the whole thing, so we’ll see. You’re right though, even though it’s hard at first, it’s totally worth it to make that push! And I should really get a gym membership… but in the meantime I’ve been riding my bicycle on one of those indoor trainers every morning. It’s a good *something* to be doing. ❤ endorphins.

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