I was like a pirate!

Dear Awesome Readers of My Blog,

It has, after about 3 months, come to my attention that I have a condition.  This condition has created a situation wherein I am unable to read words on a computer screen. It is a situation wherein I am unable to read signs on the highway.  It is a terrible, terrible condition…

… known as Not Wearing Glasses That Actually Help My Eyes.

Luckily, I finally buckled down and went to the eye doctor today, and they showed me the light!  And by the light, I mean they put some lenses over my eyes and suddenly I could see.

You guys, I had no idea what I was missing out on.  You mean everything doesn’t have to be blurry all the time?! You mean I can stop blinking so much?

Anyway, please accept this as my apology for not writing something of any interest today, since I cannot really see the screen much at all.  And to my wife: yes, you were right; I should have done this months ago.

In closing, I will share with you a story: my parents learned that my eyes didn’t work when I was 2, and I have had glasses ever since. I just stopped wearing them, and I don’t remember why.  And now they’re too old to work.  The other half of the story is that I used to have an eyepatch! I was like a pirate!

And here I am, in my adorable childhood glasses. Post-patch, obviously.

In conclusion, I apologize for the lack of deep relationship thoughts, titillating puppy-training ideas, or complains about gay stuff. Or bicycles. I think that’s the other thing I complain about.  Thanks for reading, and saying hello, and I hope to actually be able to read the words you type on the screen in JUST TWO DAYS.  Can’t wait.

Love always,

Bird

P.S. I think I need a tagline, and I am pretty sure I need help with it.  Something like, “Roughing it: when the going gets rough, the rough… grab a glass of wine, a puppy, and a pretty lady?”  Help me out here, folks.  I’ll read what you say on Saturday. Hooray!

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5 Comments

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5 responses to “I was like a pirate!

  1. I remember the first time I got glasses. I was all wow, the trees have leaves on them! My dad look concerned. You couldn’t see the leaves? Well I could see there were green blobs on them, just not the individual leaves, I said.

    • Haha, yeah. I think I laughed out loud when they put the lenses over my eyes. It was kind of amazing.

      Also, um, not that I watch Grey’s Anatomy, but did you see the episode where Callie tells her woman that falling for her was like seeing the leaves on the trees? She was all, “You’re my glasses.” It was way sweeter than it sounds when I talk about it.

  2. i love that tagline! it sounds witty and funny and rad all around.

    i hope the new glasses treat you well 🙂

  3. Kristine

    Congrats on the new glasses! I hope they are all you have ever dreamed of and more.

    Your tagline is already seriously awesome. You have to use it; it’s too perfect.

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