In Need of a Jacket

I’ve been feeling vaguely dissatisfied with… well, everything.  With the exception of a few things, I feel stuck.  I need a thing, and I can’t figure out what that thing is.  After I complained about this for half an hour at therapy, my therapist said, “Yes, that’s exactly what’s happening.  This is like you’re standing outside in the cold without a jacket and saying, ‘I’m cold.’ Of course you’re cold! It’s cold out! You need to put on a jacket!”

us, bundled.

So, folks, sorry if I take this metaphor too far, but I need me a damn jacket.  I feel like I’m on the edge of something big, like all of this falling apart/lack of excitement/falling-through of life plans has to be happening because something else is underway.  Something big this way comes, you know? Please?

Here’s what I’m trying to do: open myself up to the possibilities.  I’m trying to keep an ear out for anything that makes me flutter, anything that piques my interest.  I’m trying to find something I can invest in and not take no for an answer.  And I’m not quite rich enough to throw caution into the wind, but I’m saving up, and I hope that something exciting presents itself.  You hear me, Universe? Present something!

preparing to leap...

Back to your regularly scheduled, less angsty posting tomorrow.

Have you found yourself on the edge of Greatness/Failure? How do you recognize it?  What would you do?

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “In Need of a Jacket

  1. Carrie

    In waiting for my lung transplant (and waiting, and waiting…), I’ve found that the times I’m actively *doing* something – working toward my dual-listing out at Cleveland, or talking to MGH about living-donor – I’ve felt much more comfortable than when there isn’t anything “to do.” [I did a talk about this for a meditation night a couple of weeks ago, riffing off an article in “Buddhadharma” magazine called “Feeling Stuck? Good!”]

    So, I have two thoughts for you:
    1) You might be experiencing a ‘vacuum’ effect because you were so busy (preparing for your wedding, perhaps?), and now that’s done. So maybe finding a project (short or long-term) to give focus to might help, and/or the equilibrium might return on its own.
    2) The aforementioned article likened this place to an Edge. And its an uncomfortable edge. (No duh.) But it does (in the opinion of that well-known Buddhist author) mean that you/we are at a place of growth and learning. So, yes, keep an attitude of openness and try to be patient, and know that it *makes sense* for you to be uncomfortable right now. (Somehow for me, knowing that the discomfort makes sense makes me feel a little better.)

    I can get you the info on that article if you’re interested. Best to you in your ‘waiting place.’

    • Carrie, thanks for this. I DO need a project – it’s just that I can’t figure out what it IS, and whether there are other changes I need to make (professional, hobby, etc)…
      I love the idea that I’m *supposed* to be uncomfortable. That makes me feel better. Please to send me the article! Thanks thanks thanks.

  2. Nancy

    Want make a short film or maybe a feature?
    You can write, how about trying a script?

    No? Nothing…ehh at least I tried.

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