So, uh, heyyy everyone. Sorry I sort of disappeared back there. I’ve been alternately wallowing and trying to shake things off. I have suddenly found myself indefinitely without a *thing*, and that’s been sort of a tough pill to swallow. People have made some friendly suggestions, but when I find something I’m going to do, I’m going to do it, no holds barred, all in, it’s all I think about. Look, I don’t claim that it’s a healthy way to live, but it’s a satisfying way to live, and it’s the way I live. I was prepared for derby to be my thing, and now it’s not, and that really, completely, totally sucks but. Well. What’s next?
To look on the bright side – besides, of course, not having to come up with a completely original skater name – the situation is making me take a good look at what I already have in my life, and consider what I am and am not getting out of it. Something I need is physical exercise, so maybe I’ll join the gym or try that bicycling thing again… ugh, neither of those makes my heart flutter like roller derby, but maybe I’ll stop whining and drive up to NH three times a week. Oh you guys, this is way more whiny that it was supposed to be.
Here’s one thing I realized, though: for the past year, focusing on the wedding has also meant focusing on my relationship with Turtle. We were so careful to not make things be just about the wedding, and now the wedding is over and suddenly we’re talking less about our marriage. And I think we need more of the marriage stuff, even though we’re not preparing for some big thing.
Okay, here’s a story for you: this week completely sucked. On Monday night, I had a stupid blowup meltdown where I had verbal diarrhea and said some hurtful things that, if I had just allowed my brain to join my mouth and hormones in the conversation, could have been said without being hurtful. The general result of this was that we went to bed way past our bedtime, both in tears, and woke up feeling emotionally bruised and still brittle. And then the derby thing happened and you know what? My wife appeared to be at my side. She called into work for me, she showed up with hot cocoa, and she offered to try to beat up the derby girls who cut me, whoever they were (forget the fact that she is very small and derby girls are used to hitting people – my wife is scrappy!). Not to say that our other stuff is forgotten, but that for better or for worse, we are on each other’s sides.
I love Team BirdTurtle. Team Birtle. Team Turd. ❤