You either do it or you don’t

I started this blog 30 days before I didn’t make the final cut in roller derby. Writing was my backup, my safety, my “if I don’t make roller derby, I need something to really pour myself into, and writing and wedding planning will be it.” When I didn’t get drafted to a team (along with only 5 other people), I was absolutely heartbroken. Apparently I’ve blocked out much of the memory, but Turtle angrily recalls how hurt I was. I think this blog served me well, giving me something to do – and getting accepted to Weddingbee gave me more motivation to write regularly and keep it up.

At the time, I said that not playing derby for a year would give me time to plan my wedding, and then once I crashed, post-wedding, and started to feel antsy and like I needed *a thing* again, derby tryouts would roll around. And it’s that time, now. Now is when I should be going to skate clinics and wearing my ankle weights and committing to doing this things.

I’m surprised at how reluctant I am to get back on my skates (expensive, beautiful skates I used for a month). And I couldn’t really name why it felt so hard until I watched this:

If you don’t want to watch the whole thing, the part that hit me starts at 13 seconds.  She says, “I came into this thinking, like, oh yeah this is going to be fun, it’s going to be a hobby. But once you get into roller derby, you realize that it’s not a hobby, it’s a lifestyle.  And, um, you either do it or you don’t.

Well, and that’s really the thing, you guys.  If I do it, I’m going to do it with everything I’ve got.  I’m going to be thinking about it all the time, walking sideways up and down stairs (good thing people didn’t see me on the stairs at work last season), answering the phone at work while doing squats (yeah, some clients probably wondered why the receptionist seemed out of breath when leaving confirmation messages).  And if I don’t make it, I will be heartbroken again.  It would be like doing this whole wedding blogging thing, and then finding out we’re not getting married two nights before the wedding.

derby practice, all padded and thirsty

The first time I stopped skating, I made the choice.  I couldn’t drive 3-6 hours for a 2 hour practice multiple times a week.  And when I broke up with roller derby, I had to spend a lot of time away from it; I didn’t go to games, I didn’t watch youtube videos (a previous addiction), I didn’t read the blogs.  And then stupid Ellen Page, who I already had a thing for, made that stupid movie that wasn’t even an accurate representation of the game. Though, admittedly, it’s not too far off… and also, it is what made me try out for BDD.  Skip right to the 1:53 mark:

If you missed it, she says, “I am in love with this.”  And that’s the thing, right?  I was in love with it.  And I will be again.  And if it’s just three months of skating with awesome people and getting my butt into shape… then that’s what it is.

Ugh, I guess I should go dig all my skate gear out of the basement and try coming up with a new name.

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11 Comments

Filed under Roller Derby

11 responses to “You either do it or you don’t

  1. dulcea

    exciting stuff, wife! a few things:

    1. you must still make time for me and our awesome life.
    2. all of our conversations cannot revolve around derby (but many will, obviously).
    3. no leaving your sweaty knee pads in your derby bag for way. too. long.
    4. i ❤ you in short shorts and stripey socks.

    that is all. love you! can't wait!

  2. i like little miss roughit. do you have anything new in mind?

    and please do this, you will be my hero. and then make me do it. i drove by the home of the charm city roller girls and i felt a little flutter in my stomach. i wonder if i have that kind of commitment.

    • I do! But it’s secret. I will email you choices when it comes to that point. Sadly, last year someone registered “little miss ruff it” before mine went through, so now I can’t have it. Sad.

      ANGIE. YOU CAN DO IT. But probably not while you’re a baby-making machine. Just sayin’.

  3. Meg

    You also make me want to join Charm City Roller Girls. Except that I don’t have time for a huge life coup d’etat right now and I guess that’s what derby does–overthrows the existing establishment known as your life. So I’ll just keep going to all of the matches and sighing wistfully a lot. Hey–someone’s gotta be the groupies.

  4. This is awesome and so inspiring! I want you to go for it. Kick some wicked @ss!

    And to dovetail on yesterday’s post, I would be glued to your blog if you blogged about roller derby.

  5. Amanda

    You can do it. You just have to push yourself beyond what limits you think you may have.

    A bunch of freshies and I are going to Chez Vous on Thursday night, and you should come.

  6. Someone registered “Ruff It”? Drat. I think this is just the universe telling you to try “Brawl Revere.”

  7. Yay! This all makes me want to play roller derby!

    You should write about roller derby as you start. Everyone likes reading about that.

    Also I like reading about animals.

    Thatisallgoodbye.

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