Guest Post: On being married

Hi everyone! Right now we are running around like crazy trying to get everything ready, so this won’t be long, but here is a wonderful post from Mandi of AtVermont. This will post WHILE WE’RE GETTING MARRIED (technology is amazing)… so read, enjoy, and think good thoughts of us! Sorry for the lame intro, Mandi, and thanks for writing! Also, Turtle just announced that she loves your blog and has started spewing facts about you… “Yeah, I know about them.”


Let’s just get this out of the way… Confession: I’ve never met Turtle or Bird. Several months ago I was cruising through the blogosphere and some how came upon Bird’s blog. I’m not sure if it was a Google search, something like “lesbians getting married” or if I clicked on someone’s blogroll and ended up here. Either way, I’ve been reading almost daily since the first glance. I suppose my interest comes from being a newly married lesbian myself or from the openness and honesty that you get from reading Bird’s thoughts and ideas. If I weren’t already hooked, I would have been when she posted those favor ideas. They touched my inner hippie.

Just over a year ago my wife-who-I-call-wife-even-though-we-are-married-in-Vermont-and-live-in-Florida-where-our-marriage-is-not-legal and I were getting ready for our own wedding. Our wedding story is a bit different as we had our ceremony and reception at Walt Disney World in Orlando, Florida and shortly after got legally married in Burlington, Vermont, but the preparation and feelings going into the big day were similar. The day itself was amazing and everything we could have imagined. Sure there were little mishaps, the CD of music didn’t work, and a couple of guests got lost and had to be ushered in at the last minute, but when it comes down to it, our day was perfect because it was our day. To me, a wedding day is a time for friends and family to come together and show love and support for the two people that are making the commitment to each other. It is a day to announce and celebrate the beginning of two lives combined.

In the past year or so I have learned many things and from these things I would like to offer a little advice:

First of all, I have learned that despite being married, being an adult, and living a completely “out” life, I will perpetually have to “come out” to people. For some reason before the wedding I thought things might be different afterwards. Perhaps I thought it wouldn’t matter (as it shouldn’t) if I was married or who I was married to. As it turns out, it does. I work in a position where I meet lots of new people everyday, and I mean LOTS. In this position I am constantly being asked, “Are you married?” “What does your husband do?” “Do you cook for your husband a lot?” Can anyone say awkward? I’ve learned to deal with these questions by being open and honest. From my experience, “straight from the heart”, matter of fact honesty is the best weapon against hostility and I’ve found many supporters in places that I would have never expected them. For instance, the 85 year old volunteer from Wisconsin who recently told me, “Isn’t it wonderful when you are in a partnership with someone, like you and Ashley, and you can do nice things for them?” This brings me to another thing that I’ve learned. People are more supportive than you might think, especially when you live openly.

Another major thing that Ashley and I have learned together is that when things go wrong and arguments happen (and arguments do happen) it is probably because we are not spending enough time together or we are not communicating as we should be. This is why we try to eat dinner at the table together most nights. We designate that time to talk about our day or whatever else is on our minds. It’s a good habit to get into because over time you can start to relax and forget to ask about their day or wander off into your own little world.

Oh, and one last thing: The four kisses rule. Years ago we were listening to a local morning radio show and they were discussing longevity of relationships. The host read from a survey that couples that had been married for a long period of time had kissed on average at least four times per day. So, we enacted the four kisses rule. No matter what is happening, who is stressed, who is depressed, we always have to get in four kisses. And it sounds dumb but hey, it has worked so far right?

My congratulations to Turtle and Bird!



Filed under Marriage/Wedding/Engagement

2 responses to “Guest Post: On being married

  1. Pingback: Guest Post on Roughing It! « @Vermont

  2. Congrats to you two, and this was a great guest post! I will have to start the four kisses rule. It sounds like a great way to keep things fresh.

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