A Bird’s Life

On Weddingbee, there’s this thing that a lot of the Bees write called “A Bee’s Life“, where bees talk about how they found Weddingbee, how or why they applied, what it’s like to write for the site, and tips for wanna-bees.  While I’m not really into the formulaic writing of “The Bee’s Life”, I would like to talk a little bit about this blog, and why I’m here, and why I keep doing it.

Honestly, I sort of started the blog so that I could write for Weddingbee.  And I was pretty embarrassed by that.  I had been faithfully reading Weddingbee since about May of 08 – well before I was engaged and only shortly after Turtle and I started dating.  I think I had realized that, even though it had been a really, really short amount of time, I was interested in marriage; bigger than that, or a better excuse for my new wedding-blog-reading habit, was that I worked at a rape crisis center and I just could not deal with rape all day.  I needed something happy, hopeful, crafty – enter wedding blogs.

The main issue that I had with the whole thing, though, was that there was no one like me on the site.  People were having big weddings or they were straight and had all this familial support (which, hey, it turns out I have, too, but at the time I had thought that kind of support would be a long time coming) or they were making every. single. detail. themselves.  I like crafts, but no, I am not making my dress. Or my suit.  I am happy to pay someone else to do that for me.  And did I mention there was not a single lesbian? (Since then, Ms. Awesome  started blogging for the hive.  Yay more lesbians!)

I think I started this blog the day, maybe two days, before I didn’t make a team during roller derby “recruitment.”  I was crushed and I needed somewhere to put all the energy I had been pouring into derby for the past three months.

Derby Girl: Nearly Little Miss Rough-it

Okay, back to the ‘bee.  Honestly – and I’m sorry if any bees are reading this, and it sounds hurtful – I thought most of the bees were focused way too much on just their weddings, rather than the marriage.  I thought they were shallow.  I thought, How can anyone have this much to say, this much energy to focus on just one day? And what about their marriages?!  So I wrote my blog sort of in defiance of that.  I was not going to be shallow, I would not write just about the details. (Note: Mrs. Pretzel just wrote an excellent post about that.)

I think my first wedding-related post was one where I said, “UGH, why does everyone who gets married change their name on Facebook and put their last name in quotation marks?  THAT IS NOT HOW GRAMMAR WORKS.”  And my next one was something like, “Ring shots are silly, cause DUDE – it’s not ABOUT the ring. It’s about the f-ing marriage!”

my personal ringshot...

I applied to write for So You’re EnGAYged, and got rejected. Ouch. Double ouch since I love that site.

So I started this blog in late Jan, early Feb, and applied to blog for Weddingbee in March. In early May, I started checking my spam folder, because that’s where the rejection would go, obviously.  And then in the midst of huge chaos, two days before we moved, I got an email from Pengy saying I was in.

I didn’t squeal.  My hands did not shake while I forwarded the email to important people. Um, it’s just a blog.

Hahahaha, just kidding. Just about the blog part.  It was the highlight of my month. I got picked! I spent the whole day agonizing over which little character to be (Seahorse because seahorses reject traditional gender norms, duh).

I got picked and now I got to go be a voice for all kinds of people who maybe thought that the ‘bee was shallow or that there were no lesbians! Look, here’s one!

my profile picture on the Bee

But also, on that shallow note? I have met several bees since starting.  Yes, we meet each other in real life.  And dude, they are awesome.  They are some of the smartest, most interesting people – not to mention some of the nicest people – I have ever met.  Speaking of nice: someone asked for my shipping address to send me nice things, prewedding.  SO NICE.

So, here’s why I write: to be someone like me, for someone like me to find and appreciate, because that’s all I wanted when I first started poking around.  Beyond that, it’s so good for me to get my thoughts written out – it’s good to read that I’m being a little crazy, and then say, Fine, I’m being a little crazy.  And it is so, so good to “meet” all of you people out there, or to hear that I’ve helped you solve some little relationship glitch, or that maybe I’ve helped your sanity?  Because you so, so help mine.

Why do you blog?  How did you find this blog?  If you tell me who you are and then email me your address, I really will send you an elephant or a bicycle or a tea cup.  I know I promised these things months ago, but really! I have envelopes and everything!



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25 responses to “A Bird’s Life

  1. Dee

    You’re not the only lesbian on the ‘bee, though. Miss Stripes was around for quite a while before you came along.

  2. oh i love this. i’ve been on wedding bee maybe twice for some tutorials, but other than that i stayed very far away. (for reasons you mentioned earlier)

    but you’ve changed my mind about it and i’m glad you are a voice for the things that aren’t associated with wedding bee.

    i blog for me. i started it because i had no other place to talk about my wedding planning. and i continue to do it b/c the people are awesome. i came upon this blog through a comment you left on another damn wedding, i believe. i’m not sure… but your comment was thoughtful and i was all, “oh snap! i want to read more of that!” and here i am! tada!!!

    • And I’m so glad you’re here! I had all sorts of witty things to say in the post about you and Karen (karencordano.blogspot.com) and I forgot ALL of them as soon as I got out of the shower and headed for the computer… of course. I love your blog. And friends are fun. Now keep writing! And go join roller derby!

  3. Speaking of meeting Bees, we are having a cocktail tasting on Thursday (tomorrow) to decide what to have at our wedding, early evening. You are invited!

  4. The best posts are the ones that really get you thinking, and this is definitely one of those.

    I remember when you weren’t accepted for the queer wedding site. I was sad for you, but I was also really disappointed that the anti-establishment fringe would buy into the popularity contest driven kind of wedding blog. I guess that in some ways it is a victory that gay marriage is becoming just mainstream enough to have a site inspired by “traditional” weddings, but it still feels very mean girl.

    After you became a Bee I checked out that site, and clearly it is helping lots of women out. But. I thought it was sort of ironic that the site is called WeddingBee because it reminded me of the whole Queen Bee phenomenon among high school girls. I’m glad you are there and providing a sensible and alternative view on the whole marriage thing.

    And my opinions are naturally colored by who I am. Just because I don’t find the same things important as many of those women doesn’t make my feelings correct and their’s wrong. Maybe I’m the one being really close minded. It’s nice to hear the Bees you’ve met are nice.

    And it is amazing that brides to be have the support system created by wedding sites and wedding blogs. I would have loved to have read your site back in the dark ages when I was planning our wedding.

    • Haha, dark ages of wedding planning. Isn’t it sort of ridiculous that we *need* a support group for weddings? Do you think our moms needed support groups for their weddings, or was it all so simple back then? But it’s true, it’s so good to have the resources of other nice people planning weddings, and not just TV shows like Say Yes to the Dress (which I am probably unhealthily interested in). Thanks for reading, Karen – I love your blog.

  5. efd

    i started my blog as a way to keep in touch with people… to let those awesome folks who i rarely speak to see what i’m up to and what adventures my days hold. now i’d say its more for me. to track my own happiness and moments and as a log of those times. but, i’ve started to enjoy readers more and more and more too. i love on your blog how you talk directly to your readers so frequently- and i’ve been trying to do that more in my posts as well. but then it’s hard to tell if anyone out there hears me! hence the new little buttons :).
    i still want a tea cup. although i wonder what the bike looks like?

    • efd! i love your blog and feeling like i get to be a little bit more in touch with you, so success! i read somewhere (probably when people were saying, here’s how to apply to Weddingbee) to write to an audience, and the only way I can do that is being like, “Dude, readers! What’s up!” It’s all sort of tongue in cheek, or at least it was at first. Now it’s nice that more people actually write back! Okay, things coming to you in the mail soon. Can you send me your address again?

  6. Pretzy

    Bird, you make me smile. I love your blog, and i have to admit that your “meaty” (as i like to call them) posts were an inspiration to me and my aforementioned post.
    I’m 33, I started blogging because I didn’t see “us” in many of the voices out there in wedding land. I didn’t see many blogs representing couples where the groom is as involved in the wedding planning as the bride. Our families and many of our friends are far away, I started blogging partially to share this experience with them- my aunts in particular have loved keeping up with our journey.

    • Aww Pretzy this totally made my day! I loved that post, and it’s awesome that I inspired it! I also really appreciate (obviously) deciding that there isn’t much out there that represents you and *doing* something about it. Kudos to you – I love reading what you write! Excited to read someone else’s meat, too 🙂

  7. I started my blog to avoid talking my friends’ ears off about the wedding. Finding other engaged people to internet-talk with was a totally unexpected and delightful side effect!

    Also I love your ring shot! My first ring shot had the ring up my fiance’s nose.

    • I would really, really like to see that ring shot. Yeah, I wonder if I would talk people’s ears off about the wedding if I didn’t write here. Probably. But now when people are like, How’s wedding stuff going? I’m like, “Um, don’t you read my blog? I already talked ALL about it today!”

  8. I started my blog to document our choice to move to another state. We have yet to move and I am still blogging. We are still going to move but encountered a few road blocks. I am thinking that I found this blog through someone’s blogroll. I’m not sure who but I have a bookmark list a mile long of gay and lesbian wedding/baby/family blogs.

    I am Mandi. I write @Vermont. The name came from my wife and my last name initials (AT) and we are trying to move north (Vermont). I am going to email you my address.

  9. I started blogging a year or so ago because I wanted a way to share my thoughts on my day or issues that allowed more space and reflection than a facebook status update. But then I got lazy and abandoned the blog for a good six months before I started writing again and still struggle to write regularly (plus what used to be “my” blog is officially “our” blog now, so we’re still trying to figure out a theme of sorts). But I love your blog and your honesty and your writing style. SoYou’reEngayged (which I also love) totally missed out. 🙂

    • Yeah I love blogging so much more than facebook. I think having readers makes me feel more like I have to be responsible about updating, so the ‘bee helps with that… though there seems to be a sudden influx of other readers here, too. Ah! must stay interesting! No pressure!

  10. I love your blog. I look forward to reading what you have to say more than any other blog I read. It is uncanny the amount of times I have read your blog and just felt like “ahh! This is me! I feel like this!” I share blog entries with my Lauren all of the time because I feel like you write our lives. From dogs with behavioral issues to real relationship hurdles. You make my life more manageable by injecting it with a sense of sameness and humor.

    • Awwww this comment made my day! That’s exactly why I wanted to write – to connect with/help other people. Really, this makes it all worth it, even when I’m like, I don’t WANT to write. Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Also, what are you doing about behavioral issues? Any suggestions?

      • Oh bird, I have no suggestions.

        We very recently had to give up our bundle of behavioral issues because it became apparent that we could not give him the home life that he so desperately needs. I simply sympathize with loving a dog who carries more baggage than most canine companions.

  11. I started my blog because I was really heavy into reading APW (after going through a big Knot and “pretty” blog phase previously). I was just starting to reading other real people’s wedding blogs. I wanted my own. I wanted a community of people giving me advice, supporting me, and maybe validating a few of my own ideas (if I’m going to be completely honest). I wanted to find like-minded women.

    I don’t remember how I originally found yours. I had seen your name in comments on other blogs and people had referred to you. And then Ellie said something to me about you, and suddenly I realized I should read your blog more frequently and get to know you. I’m glad I did!

    • Oh and I would like to add that I had never heard of Wedding Bee until I started reading Bowie Bride, which was right after she got rejected. I picked the name Ms. Bunny long before I knew about the Hive because I thought it was cute, and now I hope no one thinks I copied or did it because I wanted to be a Bee.

      • When I first found your blog, I thought maybe you were also Miss Bunny on weddingbee? But you seemed a little saner… haha. I love APW SO MUCH. But everyone probably knew that already.

  12. I love this post! I love that you focus on the “meaty” parts of being engaged, and I think more of us should try to do it more often.

    I started blogging pretty much with the sole purpose of applying to Weddingbee, but I knew that even if I didn’t make it, I would continue because I love blogging. Luckily, I did get accepted so now I just have a really good excuse to blog. 🙂

    • Amanda, you were so my favorite commenter 🙂 And I love your blog! You have such a great writing style and keep things interesting, I always get excited to see a post from you.

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