I don’t know how to turn off my brain.
Guys, I’ve never had a problem sleeping, like, ever. If I’m at a big, loud party and it’s way past my bedtime, I am very capable of finding a corner and sleeping quite well right there. I can sleep in cars, planes, tents, and on a nice blanket tossed outside. Or at least I have been until now.
Usually when it’s time for bed, my head hits the pillow and I’m out, and I wake up five minutes before my alarm goes off. No problem! But the last few nights I’m tossing and turning for half an hour and then waking up half an hour before my alarm, and fine, that’s an hour less sleep, deal with it – except now I’m also waking up in the middle of the night. And I have no idea how to make this all stop.
Last night we went to the wine store that is providing the champagne for our wedding, and she gave me a few bottles to try at home. I decided that having a nice dinner with my family over was the perfect opportunity to try them out; Turtle wanted to wait until we had her mom here or at least one of her friends, or just have it be the two of us.
I completely fell apart. Full-out, racking sobbing over trying bottles of champagne later. And once I finally was able to talk, I blubbered, “I don’t want to add another thing to our to-do list!” Commence sobbing.
Yesterday someone asked me how the wedding planning is going, and isn’t it almost all done by now? Hah. We have 36 days to go and over 60 things on our to-do list. And I guess I know that it will all happen, all the important things will fall into place, but we are running out of time and apparently I am freaking out. I don’t know how to stop freaking out.
Two days ago I got up at 5:30 and paid all our bills. I feel like a crazy person. Then I emailed everyone who had emailed me wedding related stuff – yes, I want the hair flower in these colors, please; and we’re still on for the music, right?; and when can we meet to review the ceremony? and where is our rehearsal dinner?! – and after I finished that, I felt only more panicked.
Is anyone else experiencing this? I thought this only happened to other people, maybe people on stupid bridal television shows, maybe people who aren’t working hard enough. But when it’s not wedding-related, I’m waking up in a panic that I forgot to do a petsitting job (this has never, ever happened) or that I messed up my work schedule. Do I need more exercise? Do I need a lobotomy? Should we cancel this whole wedding thing and just go to town hall? Someone, please fix me, I just can’t keep “functioning” like this for another 36 days.