Can’t Sleep, Wedding Will Eat Me

I don’t know how to turn off my brain.

Guys, I’ve never had a problem sleeping, like, ever.  If I’m at a big, loud party and it’s way past my bedtime, I am very capable of finding a corner and sleeping quite well right there. I can sleep in cars, planes, tents, and on a nice blanket tossed outside.  Or at least I have been until now.

Usually when it’s time for bed, my head hits the pillow and I’m out, and I wake up five minutes before my alarm goes off.  No problem! But the last few nights I’m tossing and turning for half an hour and then waking up half an hour before my alarm, and fine, that’s an hour less sleep, deal with it – except now I’m also waking up in the middle of the night.  And I have no idea how to make this all stop.

Last night we went to the wine store that is providing the champagne for our wedding, and she gave me a few bottles to try at home.  I decided that having a nice dinner with my family over was the perfect opportunity to try them out; Turtle wanted to wait until we had her mom here or at least one of her friends, or just have it be the two of us.

I completely fell apart.  Full-out, racking sobbing over trying bottles of champagne later.  And once I finally was able to talk, I blubbered, “I don’t want to add another thing to our to-do list!” Commence sobbing.

Yesterday someone asked me how the wedding planning is going, and isn’t it almost all done by now? Hah.  We have 36 days to go and over 60 things on our to-do list.  And I guess I know that it will all happen, all the important things will fall into place, but we are running out of time and apparently I am freaking out.  I don’t know how to stop freaking out.

Two days ago I got up at 5:30 and paid all our bills.  I feel like a crazy person.  Then I emailed everyone who had emailed me wedding related stuff – yes, I want the hair flower in these colors, please; and we’re still on for the music, right?; and when can we meet to review the ceremony? and where is our rehearsal dinner?! – and after I finished that, I felt only more panicked.

Is anyone else experiencing this?  I thought this only happened to other people, maybe people on stupid bridal television shows, maybe people who aren’t working hard enough.  But when it’s not wedding-related, I’m waking up in a panic that I forgot to do a petsitting job (this has never, ever happened) or that I messed up my work schedule.  Do I need more exercise? Do I need a lobotomy?  Should we cancel this whole wedding thing and just go to town hall? Someone, please fix me, I just can’t keep “functioning” like this for another 36 days.



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15 responses to “Can’t Sleep, Wedding Will Eat Me

  1. Heather P

    This is totally normal. I suggest slow breathing, yoga-style. It will all come together beautifully, even if you don’t finish all 60 things on your to-do list. Really! (and what the heck is a “hair flower” anyway?). Your friends and family will be there in great joy and we won’t notice if the napkins don’t match or some other triviality. You are getting married to your soulmate and love of your life. It will all be finnnnne, even if you have had minimal sleep in the 36 days before the ceremony. Maybe you and Turtle should open the bottle of champagne this morning (since you’ve been up for hours), add orange juice, call it a mimosa, and toast each other — to the rest of your lives together.

    • Heather, this comment made my whole day yesterday. And I had to work at 7:15 but you can bet we took your suggestion and polished off a bottle of champagne before bed – and I slept SO WELL. Thanks for the sanity reminder.

  2. yes, totally experiencing this. waking up to make a to-do list, falling asleep and mumbling about something new we have to do…

    it eventually stops. your brain goes back to normal and you get into hardcore get it done mode.

    and it’s okay if you feel upset- we care about our weddings and of course it makes us worry. just make sure you get the rest you need, but don’t let it turn into another item on your to-do list. 🙂

    • Yeah! We DO care about our weddings. And that’s ok!

      You’re so smart, Angie. Thanks.

      I wish, though, that I could tell my brain it’s ok to stop caring during sleeping time. Stupid brain.

  3. Totally normal. I can’t sleep right now because of the campaign and the wedding. It’s making me crazy. Yesterday I worked out two hours and still, sleep was not easy.

    On Tuesday, I dropped everything I was doing and went to Towson (30 minute drive) and got our marriage license. Because I was not adding another thing to the goddamn to-do list.

    • Yay marriage license!

      I found a solution to the not-sleeping last night (though not to the anxiety dreams): a good Gillian Michaels workout (ouch) and half a bottle of champagne. I highly recommend it.

  4. Sue B

    About a month before my wedding I decided at some ungodly hour that I just had to do the laundry. We lived in an apartment building with only one washer and dryer.

    A few days after the wedding I was madly searching for my favorite pair of Jeans. You know the ones, the pair that you will wear untill there is nothing left, and will continue to wear until someone tells you you mustn’t? I also was looking for all of my black underwear, my black T-shirts, pretty much most of my black clothes. And my husbands favorite sweatshirt, which coincidentally had belonged to his dead father!!!

    Nowhere to be found. I just couldn’t understand it? Where were my clothes???

    Oh no…..I suddenly realized that I had completely forgotten about the load of laundry I had done two months ago. And obviously as I had done laundry since then, and it was no longer in the laudry room, I assumed it had been disposed of by one of my very helpful neighbors as they must have realized I certainly didn’t want any of those clothes anymore…

    Don’t fret. The insanity will get worse before it gets better. But you will have great stories to tell and in the end you’ll be married and you will have forgotten the horrors of the 60 day countdown.

    • Ahhhh now I have to worry about laundry too?! Haha, luckily Turtle’s in charge of that, and she seems way calmer than I am. That does make a good story though.

  5. I’m sorry things are stressing you out so much. I have always had a sleeping problem, because I can’t turn my brain off when it’s bed time. But yes, I have found exercise does help somewhat. And cutting down on the caffeine. Is it possible to start delegating stuff to other people?

    • I’m working on the delegating, but it really feels like, at this point, it’s all up to us. It’s writing the vows and finding a flower for my hair and figuring out who we want our pictures with. But maybe someone else *can* be in charge of finding our rehearsal dinner food… interesting.

  6. My wedding is still almost 3 months away, but I am so getting there. I feel like every time we look at the to-do list, we come up with 3 more things that need to be added, which is certainly not reassuring. And gah, the crazy wedding dreams! Enough with the dreams about bizarre stuff going wrong!

    Anyway, I’m sorry that you’re so stressed out right now. Is there anyone besides Turtle who you can delegate some of this stuff to?

    • I feel like I was in a similar place two months ago but now it feels even more justified. More crazy wedding dreams, plus the knowledge that I will run out of time! Interestingly, all my crazy wedding dreams are about running out of time. I’m trying to figure out if things can be delegated…

  7. lyn

    Oh, dear. Oh dear. I am with you 100%. I think it’s a typical thing, at least judging from what I’ve read from others who went through this before (“went through this before” — god, are we getting married or starting a support group?). But I have THE PANICS too, and we are getting married on the same day, so maybe we can be panic twins? That sounds like an 80s band. I’ll handle the tambourine and the hand claps.

    • Oooh, as long as I can play the triangle, I’m in! Don’t know if that’s a qualifying instrument, but I don’t care.

      I just thought it was *other* people who panicked. Last night’s dream was, again, that the wedding was tomorrow and our dresses weren’t fitted yet and they were the wrong color and our vows hadn’t been written (still!). Anxiety.

  8. It will all be okay. I promise. I think I had like 30 things left on the to do list the week of the wedding including the wackado idea that I would make my own shrug, you know, because finishing my wedding dress wasn’t enough. I didn’t finish making my wedding dress until two days before the wedding. and yet I kept adding things to the list that I hadn’t even considered months before. in the end i scrapped a bunch of stuff and, imagine my relief, I’m married. it all worked out and no one was the wiser. huh. it will be okay. hair flower or no hair flower. you are one step closer to champagne – delegate the procurement of it to someone else now. you’ll drink it, it will be good, it won’t matter which bottle you bought (because I’m assuming you aren’t buying cook’s (i kid)).
    when things start to feel too overwhelming, just sit down and breathe.
    remember, all of your guests love you, that’s why they are going to be there. not to judge you for what champagne you picked or whether or not you have a hair flower.
    also, go over your list and rewrite it in two sections: essential and non-essential. if you have time for the non-essential things after the essentials are done, great. if not, it’s fine.

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