We’re Gay, Hope that’s Okay – or Honeymoon, What?

Happy August everyone! I’m baaa-aaack!

We have big plans today – wedding license here we come! – and we seem, in general, to be on a wedding-roll! Which is not a bread roll made of weddings, just in case that was the image that came to mind.

I have to wait until people actually receive their invitations to show you the whole shebang, but here is a preview for you/picture of how we spent much of our minivacation:

in a cabin in the woods, surrounded by peace and serenity... addressing invitations.

before mailing them out - feeling pleased with our stack

In the meantime, here is what I have been thinking about recently: The Gay. The Gay, and our honeymoon.

First, I hate the idea of a “mini-moon”. Even if it is a smaller honeymoon than you would like or than you think other people would consider a “honeymoon,” own it, people! It’s yours! It’s your post-wedding crashing/celebration/time with your espoused, and it is important, even if you don’t fly somewhere tropical and spend the whole time in your bathing suit being served fancy drinks.

All of that said, I am crazy jealous of the people who get to sit around in their bathing suits while being served fancy drinks.

We are still planning our honeymoon. I’m sure the Kn*t.com would be unhappy with us. And we still have little idea what we’re doing.

Here are the complicating factors: we have essentially no money. I will be taking classes, which, on a week when I’m not getting married, I will be attending on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Missing two weeks of these classes is just not an option. Other than that, we are free! We can do whatever we want!

So here’s the plan: we are going to go up to my family’s cabin in New Hampshire and spend a couple of days there. It will be quiet and peaceful and lovely. And then! (Here’s where I really have no idea what will happen.) And then we will go somewhere in New Hampshire that is pretty and luxurious and people will serve us food and we will have a jacuzzi. And a balcony. And we will rest and hike and eat good food.

Where is this place? Well, folks, that’s what I’m hoping you can help with. Here is what inspired the whole shebang:

click on image for source

click on image for source

As you can see, balcony – and what you can’t see on these pictures but is clear on the website is the jacuzzi. Swoon. Sadly, this place is in Canada and too far for us. Also way out of our budget. Luckily, we did find a couple of places that were closer, until we realized one big thing (and this is where the aforementioned Gay comes in): we need to consider whether we will be comfortable there.

As Turtle put it: “I want to be able to be newlywed lesbians and walk around with you, enjoying being married to you, and not have to worry about defending our decisions or feeling uncomfortable while we’re on our honeymoon.” Good point, Turtle.

And with that point, I got all up in arms again. I am pretty good at getting up in arms, and of course the whole thing is tied into my thinking I was done with this whole coming-out-life-can-be-hard thing. Guys, I’m out! This aspect of life should be done being hard! And it’s our honeymoon – of course we should be able to walk around being over the moon with happiness and enjoy each other and say, “Yeah, we’re here on our honeymoon!” without weird looks or being defensive.

So now, not only are we looking for a beautiful place, but we have to make sure it’s somewhere we’ll be safe and accepted. And welcomed. A “we don’t mind if you’re here” isn’t good enough: we want a “Welcome! Your champagne is the room!”

It’s hard in a similar way as it was when I realized my coworker who was getting married didn’t have to worry about whether her marriage would offend anyone, or analyze her guest list to make sure everyone would feel comfortable receiving an invitation. Most people don’t even have to think about this; protect your wallet, yes; don’t get kidnapped, fine; but Will I have to defend my marriage at every juncture? not so much.

So we’re sticking to the Yay Gay Marriage states: New Hampshire, Vermont, MA. We don’t like CT (sorry CT!) so we’re not going there. But that’s as far as we’ve gotten.

We want to feel good doing plenty of this on our honeymoon (Photo by Ellie Leonardsmith)

Do you have anywhere that you like in these areas? Did you have to think about any of this while planning your honeymoon, whether you have The Gay or not? What would you have done differently if you’ve done it already?



Filed under gay, Marriage/Wedding/Engagement

11 responses to “We’re Gay, Hope that’s Okay – or Honeymoon, What?

  1. Oh how often have (most) of these very same thoughts run through my head.

    Our mini-moon (which I don’t harbor the same hatred for, lol) will be to San Francisco.

    We’ll eat, drink, and be plenty gay with the rest of the damn city. And SF used to be home, so it’s kind of exciting to revisit old spots and find new ones (to be gushy and gay and “we’re on our honeymoon” in)

    The real honeymoon is happening in May. Bali. There are a lot of gay friendly parts of Bali and we’ll practice common sense in our various travels through the rest of the country. Does it bother me that we have to “practice commonsense” by which I mean not do anything publicly that could put us in harms way, well yes. Do I want to see the world? Well yes. Is the whole damn world gay friendly? Hah! Hardly likely, as evidenced by the tiny smattering of states here in the US you’ve narrowed your choices too.

    Egads. It’s so weirdly complicated and totally something so many people will never have to think of….

    Okay. Sorry for the mushy rambling of thoughts!

    • I love your rambly thoughts! Well-said re: commonsense. I just want other people to realize what privileges they have… though I’m sure I’m overlooking many of my own.

      I can’t wait to hear about your honeymoon! Where are you going? Tell me more!

  2. michelle pignone

    I went on my mini-moon in NH, the white mountain area. We stayed at the Snowflake Inn and it was AMAZING. It sounds really wintery, I know, but they are open year-round. They have all the services you mentioned (in-r00m jacuzzi, champagne, whirl pool in the lobby, wine/cheese night, and I think room service but not 100% sure because we didn’t order anything). They also have fresh baked goods, coffee/tea, and other little snackies out all day (free!) The staff was really friendly, and while I can’t contest to how gay-friendly they are, they seemed like really welcoming people haha. Another similar place we had looked at was the Christmas Farm Inn (again, open year-round). Good luck with the hunt and with the wedding!!

  3. Oh gosh… this post brings me back to October 2008 when I was sitting in my friends car on my way back to the airport crying to her because she and her girlfriend can’t walk around tiny Fort Collins, CO holding hands and I could. I hate that you two feel this way. I truly, truly do.

    And I don’t blame you about hating CT. I’m not a fan. Josh is from there and I was ALWAYS the only person of color. I’m sure lots of folks thought I was the adopted Asian sister and not the almost-daughter-in-law. Arses. Anywho…

    Have you been Rehoboth in Delaware? Not a gay marriage state, but it definitely shows it’s pride. Reminded me of a smaller/less party-ish version of P-Town. Minus the drag queens doing karaoke on the street corners. But let’s get real- any street corner with a queen or king singing karaoke sounds like a party I want to be at.

    • Interesting! I’d be interested in hearing more about people’s perception of you in those situations… I’ve got this whole gay perspective but definitely not the person of color perspective, which I would love to read about, maybe on yoru blog? Um, after you’re married in a week and a half 🙂

      Also – ideas about what to write for you? email me!

  4. Last November Laur and I took a mini-vacation to P-Town and stayed at Gabriel’s at the Ashbrooke Inn. It was absolutely lovely and of course 100% gay-friendly. Elizabeth and Elizabeth were fantastic and there was an adorable courtyard, a jacuzzi for two and coffee, tea and snacks available all day! They also had the best blueberry granola- not that granola is part of the deciding factor, but is was just really good granola. I wish a trip to Gabriel’s was in the budget for every year!

  5. Raffe

    Hi Bird! I would recommend the Mountain View Grand, in Whitefield, New Hampshire. It’s way up in Cöos County, in the White Mountains, and is perfectly lovely. Lots of good hiking in the area, and Littleton is nearby if you need a Town to Go Out To.


    I haven’t honeymooned there, but my dad helped with the place, and I’ve stuck my head in a few times just to hang out in the lobby, and always gotten a nice vibe.

    Having the Gay can be hard, but just be proud and be yourselves! People can see the love and no one can (or should!) disparage that.

  6. Raffe

    PS I called them to double-check the gay-friendly-ness before I recommended it, and the woman who answered the phone when I asked “Are you gay friendly?” said “Well, I am gay, so yes! Also so are several other staff.”
    I figured that was a good sign.

    • oh my gosh, that was so nice of you to call them for us! We actually looked at them awhile ago but it’s hard to commit to somewhere without knowing what the vibe is and whether we’ll feel comfortable there. I’m so excited to look at it again! Thank you thank you for the info!

      Also, will you be in NH anytime this summer? It would be nice to see you! AND I’m considering Univ. of Minnesota for vet school, do you guys live near there? Thoughts? Also, if you want to email instead of comment it’s littlemissroughit at gmail.

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