Once I finally agreed to tell facebook that I was female, I began getting weight loss ads on my sidebar. Do any of you remember the muffin top ad? It said something like, “Look like this? You should probably stop eating, you horrible, horrible person.”
Well, ever since I admitted on facebook that I am engaged, it has gotten worse, because now there’s an in. Of course the way I look right now is not good enough for my wedding. I desperately, desperately need to lose weight. Desperately.
But seriously, I know I’m not fat to start with. Really, I know this. But you hear it enough and you’re like, well, maybe I do need to lose a little weight. Because you were already kind of thinking about it. You’re happy and in love, and therefore you’re fat. That’s why you hear about “fat, happy, and in love.” You’re not trying to impress anyone anymore, and you’re eating reguarly with someone else. Where before you might have skipped dinner or had a bowl of cereal, now someone else will remind you it’s dinnertime, and then you’ll eat real, horrible food, like pasta. And bread. Oh the carbs.
Okay, who am I kidding? Two nights ago we had broccoli for dinner, and I think the night before that we had ice cream. Delicious Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. Being in love is awesome.
Let’s back this up, say, five years or so. Five years or so ago, I weighed 127 pounds, steady. On skinny days where I forgot to eat meals or was trying to lose weight for coxing, I would weight 126, and on fat days I would weight 128. The point is, 127 was a healthy weight for me. It’s at the higher end of the spectrum for my height, but it was clearly the right weight for me.
Last time I went to the doctor, I weighed 11 pounds more than that. I can tell you, 138 pounds is not healthy for my height. Sorry, self – this will not do.
So here’s the thing, stupid Facebook ads – I do need to change my body. And fine, my wedding is a good motivator. But I refuse to lose my muffintop, if I have one. I refuse to take before-and-after pictures. But I want to feel good. I want to feel healthy, and I want to feel like I look good. So here’s the plan:
My goal is to reach my healthy self weight sometime before I get married. Because without a timeframe, a goal feels less achievable. And really, it doesn’t matter what size I am, as long as I feel good. So ice cream for dinner is okay, sometimes, as long as I’ve eaten well the rest of the day. And eaten well doesn’t mean skipping meals, it means eating intentionally – when I’m hungry, I’ll have veggies or fruits, or a deliberately put-together meal. When I’m not hungry, I won’t eat. I already ride my bicycle to work every day, but it’s only 1.8 miles round trip, so I’m going to try to add in 20 minutes of exercise three times a week. Right now I get up and poke around the internet for 40 minutes while I eat and drink tea. Self, you can eat and drink tea in 20 minutes! The rest of the time is not for sleeping anymore – it’s for running or bicycling (or rollerskating!).
I know we all get this pressure in a million different ways from a million different places, and it’s so not fair that so much gets piled onto this “one day” that is “the most important day of our lives.” Because while it’s up there on the list, I’m not willing to put that much stock in it, and I also think that no one but me and possibly Turtle will be able to tell if I lose two inches from my waist. But I think people will notice if I’m comfortable, and confident, and if I am those things, I don’t need to worry about how my hair looks or what color my shoes are*.
How are you responding or how did you respond to the pressure to “be better” for your wedding? What are your thoughts? A lot of people are talking about it recently, but no one is saying, “Screw it all, I’m going to be exactly how I am right now!” I wish I could be the one to say that, but instead I’m letting my wedding motivate me to achieve goals I half-assedly set awhile back.
*ugh. I still don’t have shoes. Someone please find me some, thanks.