Fat, Happy, and Hairy, Part I

It’s Monday afternoon; this morning it was raining, then this afternoon sunny, then drizzly, and then suddenly! There was a storm! Black skies, crazy wind, the trees were dancing… it poured rain and then – then! – it stopped.  And now it’s sunny and a little bit breezy and I am sitting in the sun on my deck drinking wine mixed with seltzer (ie wine for lightweights who can’t even drink one glass of wine without feeling it… thanks, Mom!). Yum.

So here’s what I need to talk about today, in two parts because one part is way too long to expect anyone to actually read: my body.  And, I guess, bodies in general.  It seems that this is a pretty standard post for any wedding blog, and why shouldn’t it be?  Facebook, every wedding magazine ever, and pretty much our entire culture have spent a good chunk of time and screenspace telling me that I need to lose weight for my wedding.  I need to get in shape and tone my arms and go on a diet blah blah blah blah.  Thanks, Universe, for the self-confidence boost.

I have been determined not to get in shape “for my wedding.”  If I’m going to do it, I’ll do it for some other reason, and on my own timeline.  I do not want to be someone who is changing things “for my wedding.”

my fat face that obviously needs to slim down, duh.

But, ahem, the thing I hear is that being happy and in love = a bit of weight gain.  I say, “I’m fat and happy!” and the world has to deal with it.  Except that my pants don’t fit anymore.  And I finally decided that I wasn’t comfortable living in just my pajamas and boxer shorts.  I spent a good amount of time denying that I was gaining much weight because I could – again, see: my wearing scrubs to work every day.  So I just bought two new pairs of pants, and I am comfortable again.  But I am also determined to be better.

Better does not mean thinner.  I mean, it might mean thinner, but more than that it means conscientious. It means actually exercising with some regularity, and keeping in mind what I eat.

And – whoa! – it’s not that hard!  I started writing down what I eat, not to diet, but because I am much happier writing down “grapes” than I am writing “half a bag of hershey’s kisses.”  And I started training for a big bicycle ride – I’m shooting for 100 miles in one day, a ride I’ll make in ten weeks with my dad.  I admit that I haven’t been riding every day, but I’ve only missed one or two.  And already I’m feeling better, and I think I’m looking better – but the feeling is the lens I’m looking through for the looking, so we’ll just give me a big gold star!



Filed under gay, other

2 responses to “Fat, Happy, and Hairy, Part I

  1. What I have learned is that you do what it takes to feel your best, and then you learn how to dress that person so they look their best. My best, it turns out, is somewhere between 140 and 150lbs, able to run and play hockey. I will probably never stop trying to “be better” but my goals now are less about weight loss and more about achievement. I want to run a marathon next year. I want to do a triathlon in August. I would love to do a 100-mile bike ride. I want to climb 5.8s at the rock climbing gym.
    Yes, I wish my thighs were smaller and I wasn’t so self conscious about my stomach or that patch of flab between my shoulders and my chest. But if I had to pick between the “perfect” body and everything I want to be able to do, I pick adventure, achievement, and challenges.

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