I have abandoned you

Dear Blogland,

I have abandoned you for two days because I have been panicking.

It’s not your fault, I just want to fill you with goodness and good moods and “Yay my nose isn’t broken!” and “haha I let big hard issues roll off my back, no problem.”

And, okay, for real my nose is not broken, and that is definitely good.  And for real there is a lot of stuff that I can let slide, like the mean people at work and the crazy people at work and the not making much money but it’s okay because I love my job.  But sometimes after a yelling client and a demanding client and a just plain crazy client, someone comes in with an accent and I can’t understand what they’re saying, and it’s not their fault, but they’re the fourth really difficult person to deal with and I just can’t do it anymore.

And that is sort of how these past couple of days have been going.  The rain and the wind don’t help, and having to walk a dog in the rain and wind don’t help.

The big issue that we’re facing, and that a lot of people are facing, is finances.  This is not something I know how to talk about well somewhere like a blog.  Turtle and I are struggling to learn how to talk about it well just between the two of us, and I think that this is also something a lot of people deal with.  When Turtle left her job, we knew that it would put us in a very tight place financially, and we were awesome at budgeting for the first month.  Well, today we got some bills in the mail and it turns out that while we stressed about it more this past month than we did the first month, we did not budget nearly as well.  And after that realization we went and met with a caterer and had to talk about money some more. I’m sure you’ve heard that weddings are not cheap.

This is another one of the times where I stop and say, “Is this what we want?”  Do we want to be married somewhere other than the church we go to, or my parents’ backyard?  Do we need all these people there, or could we do with just our immediate families and very close friends?  Do people really need to eat food?

And the answer I keep coming back to is that, yes, these things are important.  We love the location of our ceremony and reception, and it is so affordable that cutting it out wouldn’t save us much at all.  We do need all of the people we want there to be there.  They are our community, our family, the people we want to affirm our relationship and promise to support our marriage as a community.  We need them there.  And rumor has it that people like to eat.  I like to eat, and Turtle likes to eat.  And if we’re going to have food, we should just go ahead and have good food, right?

It’s a struggle to do what we want with our wedding and to keep our head above the “OMG it’s a wedding you have to have everything you are a princess for one day it’s your only chance everything must have diamonds on it omg!” chaos.  It’s a struggle to accept that feeding our guests might mean that we can’t hire movers for our move next month.

Blech, sorry for the “woe is me” post; hopefully it’s out of my system and we’ll return to regular happy blogging tomorrow…. that said, I know I can’t be the only person going through this.  How are other people dealing with making the decisions about some big life things versus others, whether it’s a wedding or something else?  This morning I took the Beast and we went for a 2 mile run in the cold wind and rain.  This made me feel better, if a little wet.  Please, share your vices/solutions/tell me I’m not crazy.  Thanks, blogland.

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5 Comments

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5 responses to “I have abandoned you

  1. Melissa

    I think you’re right, finances are the bane of every relationship, even when the 2 people in a relationship are only close friends! Albert and I deal with it by talking things to death and then I make lists. I am a CRAZY list maker, I make lists of my lists. Crazy, yes, but it helps me deal with stuff by seeing it broken down into steps. I wish I was a runner, if I were I’d have less of a paper trail and a better figure!

  2. Thanks, Melissa! This was the first time I’d been running in FOREVER, and I’ll probably regret it when I can’t walk tomorrow.

    It’s sort of shocking to me that we don’t learn more growing up about how to manage money and how to merge finances. It seems like it’s something that everyone has to figure out on their own, with their person, and that seems silly! But here we are, plugging away…

  3. OMG. Managing money/Merging finances/Budgeting for a wedding can seriously get under your skin if you let it. And sometimes it nearly gets me, but then I think about all the fun things we have planned, all the awesome people that will be there and how important a big ol’ public WEDDING is for us and our community and I calm down a little. I don’t think you should make any money decisions you’re totally uncomfortable with, so if you feel good about your venue/food etc.. then that makes it money well spent in my opinion. Go read APW- Meg’s post is all about money today. AND not to scare you or anything, but we moved last month and due to budget we decided to forego movers. Then we realized we were crazy and went to home depot and hired two day laborers. BEST. MOVERS. EVER. Seriously. And again- we felt good giving our money to two hard working men vs. the lazy stoners who charged us a fortune and lost our stuff last time around. 🙂

    • I know! I feel like it’s way more important to have a “real wedding” (read: big party) as a woman marrying a woman than it would be if I were marrying a man; the statement of it feels really important.

      I did read Meg’s post! Right on time for me… I’m considering scrapping this whole catering thing and just having pie. Who doesn’t love pie? But seriously, pie, tea, coffee, and mimosas… yum, right?

      And I’m talking to movers momentarily. I can scrimp on some things but others seem important. Thanks for the reminder of sanity!

  4. Shayna

    I’m really glad you posted this. For one, money is a huge issue surrounding weddings that I don’t feel like people talk about as honestly as they should. I keep seeing all of this “wedding on a budget” stuff with people smiling. I’m all for tight budget weddings, but you can’t tell me that the finances aren’t stressful. Another reason why I appreciate this post is because I feel like P and I will be going through a very similar situation since I’m going back to school full-time (for at least a few, if not several, years). Keep me updated on how you’re handling the situation!

    P.S. Don’t get rid of your catering. I love your brunch idea! ❤

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