I have abandoned you for two days because I have been panicking.
It’s not your fault, I just want to fill you with goodness and good moods and “Yay my nose isn’t broken!” and “haha I let big hard issues roll off my back, no problem.”
And, okay, for real my nose is not broken, and that is definitely good. And for real there is a lot of stuff that I can let slide, like the mean people at work and the crazy people at work and the not making much money but it’s okay because I love my job. But sometimes after a yelling client and a demanding client and a just plain crazy client, someone comes in with an accent and I can’t understand what they’re saying, and it’s not their fault, but they’re the fourth really difficult person to deal with and I just can’t do it anymore.
And that is sort of how these past couple of days have been going. The rain and the wind don’t help, and having to walk a dog in the rain and wind don’t help.
The big issue that we’re facing, and that a lot of people are facing, is finances. This is not something I know how to talk about well somewhere like a blog. Turtle and I are struggling to learn how to talk about it well just between the two of us, and I think that this is also something a lot of people deal with. When Turtle left her job, we knew that it would put us in a very tight place financially, and we were awesome at budgeting for the first month. Well, today we got some bills in the mail and it turns out that while we stressed about it more this past month than we did the first month, we did not budget nearly as well. And after that realization we went and met with a caterer and had to talk about money some more. I’m sure you’ve heard that weddings are not cheap.
This is another one of the times where I stop and say, “Is this what we want?” Do we want to be married somewhere other than the church we go to, or my parents’ backyard? Do we need all these people there, or could we do with just our immediate families and very close friends? Do people really need to eat food?
And the answer I keep coming back to is that, yes, these things are important. We love the location of our ceremony and reception, and it is so affordable that cutting it out wouldn’t save us much at all. We do need all of the people we want there to be there. They are our community, our family, the people we want to affirm our relationship and promise to support our marriage as a community. We need them there. And rumor has it that people like to eat. I like to eat, and Turtle likes to eat. And if we’re going to have food, we should just go ahead and have good food, right?
It’s a struggle to do what we want with our wedding and to keep our head above the “OMG it’s a wedding you have to have everything you are a princess for one day it’s your only chance everything must have diamonds on it omg!” chaos. It’s a struggle to accept that feeding our guests might mean that we can’t hire movers for our move next month.
Blech, sorry for the “woe is me” post; hopefully it’s out of my system and we’ll return to regular happy blogging tomorrow…. that said, I know I can’t be the only person going through this. How are other people dealing with making the decisions about some big life things versus others, whether it’s a wedding or something else? This morning I took the Beast and we went for a 2 mile run in the cold wind and rain. This made me feel better, if a little wet. Please, share your vices/solutions/tell me I’m not crazy. Thanks, blogland.