A ring to wed them all… er, them two!

The engagement ring adventure was a big one, and a mostly fun one. At times it was stressful, as we emailed each other pictures back and forth and debated how much money to spend and whether to buy online or in person.  At one point we just said, “Okay, no more talking about rings until we are holding them in our hands,” and that was the point at which we decided to only go shopping in person, which ended up being a really good decision for us.

The search for wedding rings feels similarly stressful, but somehow more difficult.

What is difficult, I think, is trying to figure out what is important in the wedding rings.  I know that, because I plan to be working with a lot of different animals in my life, I want something that can withstand getting banged around and won’t get pieces of poop wedged in little corners of it.  Sorry if that’s gross, but these are the hazards of the industry, people.  I suspect that I will not wear my engagement ring all the time once we’re married, or at least not on the same hand as my wedding ring, so it’s not important to me that the band match my engagement ring.

But beyond these little things, which rule out a lot of rings, I don’t know what I do want.  With our engagement rings, it seemed most important that I like mine and Turtle liked hers, and it didn’t matter whether they looked good together or to the other one of us.  With our wedding rings, it feels important that they match, in some way.  They are a symbol of our union, of our unity, and this is why it feels important that they resemble each other, or are made from the same metal, or at the very least have the same thing engraved within them.  I want, when people see us together, for people to see our rings and know that we are married to each other.

Today we went to an antique store that I happened across a couple of weeks ago to look at some options.  I was surprised to find myself drawn to yellow and rose gold, and I was not surprised to see Turtle drawn to the white gold and platinum.  For me: simple bands with a little bit of detail or character, like little ridges you don’t notice at first or milgrain on the edges.  For her: diamonds all the way around.  Very different.

And THEN she found a ring for me that is just gorgeous.  Again, it made my heart flutter a little.  I didn’t have a camera and can’t find a picture of it anywhere, but it is a delicate vine with leaves wrapped around and around, and made out of teeny tiny diamonds and white gold. This is so not a good explanation of the ring.  It is beautiful, and simple while intricate, and delicate while sturdy, and costs a little more than 5 times as much as I originally wanted to spend.  And it will definitely not match Turtle’s ring, whatever she finds.

If you are married, what is your ring situation?  Do you have an engagement ring AND a wedding band, and how did you agree on/pick your band(s)? Do they match?  And whether or not you’re married, what are your thoughts/understandings of what a wedding ring “should be”?  I don’t know that I care what one “should do,” but I am curious about the thoughts around these rings, as opposed to engagement rings, and where my attitudes are coming from. Give me your insight, dear readers, and tell me whether I should spend way more than I really want to on a ring that makes me flutter.



Filed under Marriage/Wedding/Engagement

5 responses to “A ring to wed them all… er, them two!

  1. Melissa

    So… I think your wedding band is supposed to be whatever you want. There are not set rules. Personally I have a Princess-cut engagement ring and my band is a wrap of diamonds and emeralds, my favorite stones. The clerk tried to talk me out of it since it isn’t traditional, but it is VERY me. I like that my wedding ring wraps up my engagement ring, it’s a symbol of how our marriage works as well. We’re pretty traditional 🙂 As for spending more…I wouldn’t. I’d take a pic of what you like and look around to see if you can find something similar elsewhere for less. Then if you can’t find anything else you get what you like best! Love ya!

  2. We each just have one ring. Here’s some backstory http://binationalbride.blogspot.com/2008/05/about-our-rings.html We did a ring warming ceremony and then exchanged the rings we’d been wearing all along. Now they are wedding rings 🙂

  3. Sue B

    Yes! Spend way more than you really want to on a ring that makes you flutter. If my journey has taught me anything, it has shown me that the flutter is sacred, and special and should be listened to. I sit here with tears in my eyes and a smile on my face. Because that flutter is what I have searched for my whole life. And even though I never found it, I have met people who have, and heard their stories, and I believe, because of those stories, that fairy tales exist. You are living it. Rejoice in it, and listen to the flutter. It is truth and beauty and love. It is a gift.

  4. MWK

    Hello! Found my way over here, thanks for your comment.
    D$ picked out my engagement ring with help from my sister – he is sorta a Southern Gentleman sometimes and wanted it to be a surprise. My wedding band, which we picked out together, doesn’t match either my engagement ring or his ring (although both our wedding bands our fairly simple white gold bands). I wear my wedding band on my left hand and moved the engagement ring over to the same finger of my right hand. I was going to wear them together even though they don’t match, but it turns out I am too anal retentive for that. It works for me!
    I won’t tell you what you should spend. We definitely went affordable over flutter – sometimes I see a really amazing ring and get a teeny pang of jealously, but I also love my rings and know that we made a smart decision for us.
    I will say something our awesome jeweler said to us when I was stressing about the rings matching and wearing one on the other hand. She looked at me like I was crazy when I asked if it was “okay” to wear them on different hands and said, “Um, there aren’t any jewelry police. You can do whatever you want!”

  5. Pingback: With this ring, I thee wed « Roughing It

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