I’ve been living alone, so alone (read that last part in a dramatic voice and fling your hands into the air) for 4 days! FOUR days!
What this means:
Day 1, the house was really clean. I wiped counters, I swept floors, and I even cleaned the toilet. I let the dog sleep with me and I ate real food.
Day 2, I took the dog for multiple walks and continued to behave like a responsible adult.
Day 3, I bathed the dog, visited a friend, went to work.
Day 4, this morning, I realized that since Day 1 I have not cleaned a thing! There are piles everywhere! There is mess everywhere! To be completely honest and to overshare a bit, there is even cat poop on the floor in the study. How do I live like this?
So I wake up, panic mildly at the chaos, and then realize that I have almost four full days until another human being is going to see it. I can totally start acting like a normal and clean human being over the course of four days, I swear.
And for your entertainment, an example of the kinds of conversations that happen when no other human beings are around:
Me: You smell like butt, Daphne.
Daphne: *Stares at me.*
Me: Smelly butt.